BPDFamily.com

my ex has jumped on board with this

www.change.org/petitions/create-landry-s-law-to-protect-nursing-children-in-custody-cases?utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_facebook_mobile&recruiter=60685929

my daughter is 14 months old and will be 15 months old when overnights start. my case is different because my daughter will take a bottle and eats regular food very well, also I have been involved in my daughters life even with all my exs interference since she was born. my ex is playing the victim role saying on this site that I am ripping her daughter away from her.

she doesn't know that I know about this, should I call her out on it and tell her I know or keep quiet.

What is the point?  I doubt you'd change her mind and it would lead to unproductive arguments.  She might even counter-claim that you're cyber-stalking her.  (But it's not stalking, she's posting publicly.)  I really think it best to not bring it up, though it is good to know in case she raises this as a counter-claim or tries to ignore the court order for increased visits.  To be forewarned is to be forearmed.  At your next communication with your lawyer do shares copies, your lawyer should be informed and prepared too.

By 15 months of age most toddlers - I repeat, toddlers, not babies - are eating many other foods even if still being breastfed.  Unless there is some extreme medical reason the court is unlikely to be fazed by a petition with little or no professionally recognized basis.  It's all emotional claims.  It's sad that the parents are no longer together but the reality says there has to be some level of accommodation between parents.  In our type of cases, it's all about obstruction and sabotage by any available means or claim.

My ex said she would never breastfeed longer than six months.  With my support she continued until our child was 14 months old.  As child-focused as she was, that was all she could or would do.

After my son was born, my ex started drawing away from me.  It was as though she could or would only love one of us and so she chose to love 'her' son and reject me.  She too claimed I was "ripping her child away from her".  I believe SWOES (Stop Walking on Eggshells) called them "emotional facts", claims presented as facts yet had no substance once the emotional claims were set aside.

My xBPDw breastfed our boys when they were born. She couldn't wait to go back to work and she pumped her milk. They make all kinds of things for this. We put dates on the containers so we would use the earliest ones first.

A funny story, The first time I used a bottle for our first son went fine. He drank half the bottle and pushed it out. I burped him and placed him in his crib. He went out right away.About 10 minutes later he woke up and was crying. I picked him up and tried burping him, rocked him in a rocking chair, a few other things and nothing worked. Finally I gave him more milk and he was fine. The next night the same thing happened.

The third night I was giving him his bottle. He drank about half and pushed it out. I noticed he was also trying to turn around. I switched him 180 degrees and gave him the half full bottle. He quickly drank it all. I realized he was trying to show me what he was used to. He was only 4 to 6 months old at the time.

She may try to raise this in her custody dispute, so look at it like she just tipped her hand. Spend some time learning what you can about breastfeeding and custody cases where it works out ok for the child. Take pictures of your daughter drinking from a bottle and eating regular food. Find out where your court stands on the "tender years" bias.

I wouldn't engage her. She'll feel violated that you're checking up on her, and it will likely create more friction with no gains for you or your daughter.

Any woman committed to breastfeeding her child would have a hard time being told by a judge to stop. It's a very intense bonding experience. But it's equally important that you have quality time with your daughter, and your ex has shown that she can't share.

The non-compliance is much more of an issue here than what your ex says about breastfeeding.

Don't let her rent space in your head. 

LnL

A court won't tell her to stop.  A wise judge will say, "Sorry, of course you can still nurse but father gets his time with his child too.  The toddler seeing both parents trumps a mother's breastfeeding claim of exclusivity.  Just send your milk along with the toddler at the exchanges.  The child will both have a relationship with her father and have her milk too."

My initial CE report highlighted the imbalance:  "Mother cannot share 'her' child but father can."

No, a court won't tell her to stop. But that's how a BPD mama will experience it 

thanks every one for the support and advice, when I question myself its nice to get honest feedback.


I felt that way too thanks.


yes ive noticed that and explained that to her nicely that what she is feeling doesn't make it facts  that went over like a lead balloon.


good idea, I plan to take pics of that this weekend. this will be the last weekend before overnights start.


very true, im trying but some days she gets the whole upstairs unit

thanks Lnl 


see that would make to much sense and would be working together for the best interest of our child for my ex to be on board with that. 

seriously though im very pro breastfeeding I feel its way better then formula but so is having time with both parents. it could work out just fine and will.


very true

You can't reason with her in her heightened emotional state, anything you say, as reasonable and as factual as it is, will be perceived through her emotional baggage of the ended relationship.  For pwBPD all ended relationships were bad ones, blame-shifting makes all the fault for failure the other's fault.  Right now you're more or less Mr Evil Personified and nothing you say can get through.

Sometimes it just comes down to the judge making an order and thereby ordering/enforcing compliance rather than getting cooperation.  So, knowing you have little or no positive impact on her, in her eyes you have less than zero authority, make sure you've presented your case well in court and let the judge - the real authority - be the bad guy.  That's partly what judges and lawyers are for anyway.