BPDFamily.com

I have been fine with everything for the last couple of weeks.  She started contacting again to get her things back.  It had been about a week since we had any kind of contact.  She contacted me early to ask if she could come over that night with her mother to get her things.  I said that was fine, she wanted to do it the next day then.  I had plans the next day, and one of the things i used to do was change everything to accommodated her, I have to live my life.  This apparently was not ok with her.  It was cool if she left a lot of things at my house when she ran off and got married to someone being engaged to me earlier in the month, but not ok that I have plans that I stick to.  She started texting me like at 11:30 that night when I told her earlier that I would call her if my plans changed for the next night.  I was awake but didn't respond.  At about 2am, repetitive texts over and over started, and phone calls, about ten each.  I woke up and just watched my phone blow up with her messages.  Mostly about what time I was getting off the next day etc...  :)idn't text back or call and fell back asleep.  I woke up to about three more questions about what time I was getting off.  And then she started calling while I was getting ready for work and calling (this was early morning) and I didn't answer.  I looked at my phone about an hour into work and she asked me if she had to bring her mother up my work with her for what reason, I still don't know, it's not like I would give her the key to my house, or any money that she thinks she deserves.  I simply text her back that I had plans that I had made days before and that I was not ignoring the situation and pointed out that she never showed up to get her stuff the week before when she said she would.  Haven't heard a peep out of her since I text that.  I have been fine with this for a few days and moved a few more things onto the front porch.  I got on facebook tonight and was looking at my post's and I rarely get on there.  I was making sure that I had gotten everything off of it that was connected with her.  I ran across some take that was made with her, and her  and I saw her name.  It's a new last name now, but I just got so angry.  I felt everyting that I felt before when I first found out less than a month ago.  I stayed angry for about 15 minutes and felt hurt/ashamed for about 15 after.  This feeling comes and goes, but it still hurts very much when it comes back

You have been through a lot, FacingIt.   It does hurt.  And it is painful.   I'm glad you posted.  This is a good outlet to state what you are feeling.   

How are you doing now?

I'm doing alright.  I have been laughing a lot at this whole thing lately, but the hurt comes and goes.  I have been tested a little bit.  She has been friend requesting my coworkers that she only met a few times and never wanted to be their friends before so why now right?  Well, I've learned to not try to figure out why, because their is no explanation for what she does.  She was trying to either let them know by seeing the last name, dig hooks, tell them about my home life etc... . cause drama essentially I think.  I haven't heard from her since that incident.  I still want to hope she's ok, but more of me doesn't want to care about her at all.  I don't want to hate any person.  I am getting there, but I still do think about her.  It is really hard, I need to start doing some more socializing I think, but haven't done that much.  I get to see so many people at work, but I just haven't wanted to spend a lot of time with people that I don't know outside of work.  Ups and downs

 

All I can say, or add, is that this is normal.  I know I went through a lot of the same issues when my diagnosed PD wife did almost the same thing to me.  The last few years of our marriage was pure crap and when I finally couldn't take it any longer and let her go - then things just got worse.

Although she took most of everything when she left, she still left a lot of her stuff that I had to come home everyday and see.  she wouldn't come get it when we set up to do it (she wanted to come by and move it out while I was there... . which was pure crap.  Why would I want that vision in my head?).

I finally had to get extra extra crispy with her and threaten to throw it all away including her grandmothers antique sewing machine if it wasn't gone when I go home.  That did the trick, for then.  But it got worse after that until things slowed down and I went LC and then NC.

So it takes time.  This is a process, not a swtich.