BPDFamily.com

If you want to know more whats been going on recently read my last post. :)

His mum had our daughter a few days ago, she said she would have her at some point but didn't know when she could with work but apparently hes been onto her like a panther "when can you have her so we can go out" so he's mum says. We had fun i guess, went around town but had to rush back in our local town to get this game that he ordered in a big box he didn't want to carry so said can he collect it at 5pm so it was all a rush really as we didn't go to the other town til about 2 as he gets up late. Then we went to the cinema then back to his for a couple of drinks and watched random things, listened to music... . Before we went to his on the bus he said "I'm scared of inviting you back because of temptation" & I said "I'm not going to come onto you don't worry" and he said "Oh i know its not about that, we'll talk in private when we get to mine". We never did and i didn't bring it up because i couldn't be bothered with a deep conversation and didn't want to darken the mood so i left it.

As the night got on and the last part of it I told him that "I'm not bothered if we do or don't get back together, I just don't have feelings in that way anymore" He's really tired by now because he's had his nightly alcohol binge fest as it happens every night without fail and says "can we talk about this another time" and i was like "there's nothing to talk about, just telling you where you stand", he looked really sad when i said it but says "he understands, then says "i'm so sorry about everything". I don't know what led us to this conversation i think we were talking out our daughters birthday and it just led us to that, i cant remember but yeah. Then when i was just about to get in the taxi he hugged and kissed me on the cheek which normally is just a hug. We haven't kissed in any form since we broke up which was in March.

I thought i'd feel something from him kissing me but nothing, my body/heart is just so cold to him now, if it was a few weeks ago i would of jumped up and down and dreaming up fantasy's obviously i care about him ALOT and i get so defensive when his mums always moaning at him about his weight etc... He's a really good friend. Deep down I still do love him no matter what, I think we'd always have some "special connection" between us, he's the father to my child but just not in that way at the moment. I sound exactly like him when we broke up because that's what he said but that's just how it is. I just don't find him cool anymore, I've just got so bored of it all and maybe, finally, have come to the realization but he will never change, i need someone to want/need me and my daughter, how real love should be but i know he'll never will. He'll always be stuck in his ways, rotting away in that flat and he can find some other girl to drown with because it wont be me. I still text him though when he texts me, its like his drawing me back in, in some way and i can't stop it. I know that contradicts all I've said yeah this is all so confusing. I still haven't brought it up to him because deep conversations are useless to him he never opens up and as i said i can't be bothered with it.

Bump.

You will always be special to each other because you share a child. And he will always be part of your life in some way due to that.

It sounds as though you are detaching from him, and things sound pretty amicable between you, which is the most important thing when you are parenting a young child. You are doing a good job of communicating effectively and keeping your boundaries.

Have you been reading the lessons and resources on here? There are some great resources at the top of the board for effective communication with a person with BPD. And as your communication will be ongoing for many years, it's good to have this knowledge. It is quite normal to be confused about our feelings for our BPDs. Our worlds can change so dramatically with them from one day to the next, so it's normal our feelings shift around a lot too.

I wish you well climb mountains91 

Thank you for your reply, it's nice to know I'm doing something right ha :)

I just don't get why his doing all this stuff my mum said maybe it's because his noticed that I'm detaching and I'm not chasing after him anymore and that's what he wants and maybe his got another reCycle up his sleeve, who knows. We've gone back to hugging now but he seems so engaged in me, every time I talk it's like he hangs onto my every word and seems so interested it's kinda freaky to be honest.

Classic recycle behaviour. But it's ultimately your choice to go back or not. Only you can decide that. Think about what's best for you and your daughter.

You've done some good work detaching from the wounds here. Maybe you can suggest therapy or counselling for him or the two of you to help you decide.

I wish you all the best