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Title: Enabling Post by: Stargirl14 on May 25, 2014, 05:08:00 PM This is my first post so forgive me if I screw up. I just read the lesson on enabling/supporting and even though I suspected my H and I were enabling our BPDD26, it really hit home. I think initially it started because we were 'walking on eggshells' and didn't want her to lose it during her teen years. But now we do everything and don't know how to stop. If she gets a parking ticket, I pay it. If she forgets to return library books, I do it. She does little around the house. Yikes! I'm embarrassed to even post this but how do I start setting those boundaries and then sit by while she gets in trouble?
Title: Re: Enabling Post by: pessim-optimist on May 25, 2014, 05:59:23 PM Hello Stargirl14,
Please feel welcome and make yourself at home here - you did wonderful in your first post on the Parenting forum! Most of us Parents somewhere along the way get into that pattern of walking on eggshells and doing more and more for our BPD child, while they become more and more dependent on us and do less and less on their own... . It's kind of a self-feeding process. You are not alone, Stargirl14 The way out of this all depends on how bad and unbearable your situation is... . If it's not too bad, you will probably get the best results with what we call baby steps or tiny little changes (=TLCs). Also, reading up on BPD, understanding it well, and understanding how important empathy (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210574.0.htm) and validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation.htm) are in the process of setting boundaries will be invaluable. |