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So on April 23 I started no contact with my ex borderline gf.   I blocked everything.  But a mutual friend just told me she posted that she is in a relationship with a new guy on FB, and it's basically a month out of our relationship.   I know they don't treat things the same way as nons do.  And I know she she has no remorse.  This just hurts.  Makes me feel like the whole relationship meant nothing to her.   

I guess this just shows I made the right choice and she reveals the kind of person she is.

Yes Tired, I'm glad you got away from that, you can now move forward and heal.

Do they really know how much they hurt others? Probably. Do they care? Probably not. I don't think they have the ability to feel like we do, but they can fake it when it benefits them. She has to move on in the only way she knows how.

You, my friend, are the luckiest man on the entire planet.  I envy you.  You just saved yourself from an entire lifetime of horror.  Abuse.  Physical battery.  Bankruptcy.  Emotional blackmail. Etc.  These are extremely sick people.

Now get on your knees and thank God that you've been spared from all this misery.

Try to find a nice girl to love.  And remember this:  Coitus with the crazy is an extremely bad idea.

Hi tired,


I hear you . I'm in the grieving process myself.  It's been a couple of weeks for me. I'm hurting bad. Basically she told me to not contact her . So that is good sign that we are truly done.  Its a relief at the same time I won't deal with her crap but I at the same time I will miss her since I loved that girl a lot.

Stay strong

Thanks guys.  I realize I am in a good spot.  She's actually with one of her guy friends that always seemed to pop up.  And she tried to make me look like the jealous jerk for not trusting her to have male friends.   Looks like I was right to question her.

Mmmm... . You said something here that struck a chord for me "Looks like I was right to question her." 

If you are at all willing and open to hear something from someone who is trying to detach, disentangle, and divorce from one of the BPD's , always, always, always trust and listen to your instincts, intuition, inner voice, higher power, whatever you choose to call it. 

After being married to a high functioning BPD for 25 years, I had become so far removed from my intuition and so entrenched in the FOG feAr, obligation, guilt) that I had become a former shell of myself.  I am in no way meaning to discount your current pain or loss, all I am hoping is that you will lick your wounds and stand up tall and begin to do your work-- after all, that is all we can really do and I bet when you do, a better, more complete and sane person will enter your world.

The mrs.,

Yeah,  I realized I was becoming a different person during my relationship.  And I didn't like it.  I had a bad feeling about 2 of her guy friends for a long time.  I would discuss this with her often, and she would listen,  pretend to understand,  and agree to change.  She agreed several times to cut these guys out of her life.  But she would never follow through.  Then when I would be upset the next time,  and bring it up,  she would agree again. 

But yes,  even being without her for a month has helped me.  We work together but do not see each other.  I think her doing this will even make her look bad in front of our coworkers.  I have not said anything bad about her to anyone,  but I think this looks like a clear attempt to hurt me.  I could respond,  but I think continuing nc is the way to go.  I think she is clearly looking for a response.

Hey keep reading poor old smith's posts! He is right and has helped me tremendously... . he has a great way of putting it to us bluntly and honestly!

Tired

Chances are there was more going on there than friendship. BPD's seem to have no boundaries, and are incredible manipulators and liars. They are also mentally ill.

Mine was involved with someone else and even mentioned this guy when we were together a couple of times as a distant person in work related situations. (I believe she was trying to frighten me into marrying her(now, I think that, had no clue then).

So she suddenly runs out of our home a week before Christmas (we lived together for 5 years), says there is no one, but it stank really bad to me. Ya know... . something just was not right... . well 3 weeks later she just matter-of-factly tells me she is dating and she was loving hurting me... . and guess who it is... this guy... .

Then she tells me that they met AFTER she left me. Completely nutzo. She mentioned the guy two years before, more than once. I guess she could not quite remember her own lies or something.  Super painful and cruel. I never saw a transformation like that in my life. So abrupt, so vindictive and just bizarre.

I would say to keep your NC going and move down the road.

Thanks infared,

Yup.  I know that there was some heavy overlap between our relationships.  But I suppose it doesn't matter now.  It could have been going on the whole relationship of just a short amount of time.  Either way,  it seems like the more I remember, the more I feel duped.  I guess most of what she told me were lies.  Lying is just such a huge part of her,  that she can't even decipher what was true or not. 

Either way,  better things are ahead.  Keeping NC is first on the list.

Thank you for this perspective, The Mrs.   The FOG -- fear, obligation, and guilt -- is real.  And it does have an insidious way of making us forget to attend to ourselves.    In retrospect, so much of my energy was spent walking on eggshells and waiting for the next shoe to drop.  It did make me forget myself. 

She'll do the same to him that was done to you.  The abuse doesn't go away just because she's with someone new.  Everything you went through will be happening to him a little bit down the road.  Her "love" for him will be temporary and it will implode.  Read this board and understand that they all have a similar trajectory.

My story is so similar.  God, these people.

Same happened here. Men suddenly popped out from literally every venues of life. Computer geek, librarian, MLM agent while she wasn't even socially active. In a matter of days, they had some intense discussions, which involved flirting. I had to accept it as something natural, they are just 'friends'. Of course it turned she was cheating on me. They can't self-soothe, so 'naturally' surrounding themselves with soothing-objects. It is really just a matter of time.