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I posted earlier that I was struggling with thoughts of my ex consuming my head.

It's been only 4 + months but some things just seem to keep me stuck...

The fact that my ex could lie and cheat on me ... . Then walk away without a thought... . well that just seems to be hard for me to comprehend.

The fact that she could move on and not even feel anything... .

I just cannot wrap my head around that... .

I know they are wired different ... . or emotionally like a child ... .

All of a sudden tonight ... . it's just so upsetting to me... .

Like where did this come from... .

Today has just been the worst day so far... .

Angry sad confused... .

Does anyone feel like this sometimes... .

I feel like I gave so much of myself... . and they can just turn and go... .

I just have to vent

Today has been so difficult... . :'(

I know this feeling too well... How hard you tried , how much you gave while getting so little in return... It hurts in a way that is almost impossible to explain.

This is where I get confused too,How can a person turn away and not look back to a person that tried to understand, endured the insults and criticisms... I actually  felt I deserved some sorta refund from how much I put in , compared to what I got out at the end

Hang in there  ,We are all in this together.lots of information and great folks with awesome advice |iiii

Thanks Banshee

I keep thinking that her cheating on me and lying about it was the best thing that ever happened... .

It woke me the hell up... . the day she shed tears and told me how much she loved me... . but she had to leave... .

Why should I want to be married to anyone who could do that to me... .

It took that awful moment of her walking away to open my eyes... .

I think that  I'm more upset with myself for allowing her to treat me that way... .

But it hurts like crazy :'(

Yes this is true, what my ex did seem to be more forgivable than what I allowed myself to put up with.

It's so hard to detach . I'm still having trouble keeping No Contact... have you decided to go no contact with her?

I'm so sorry your going through this, Stay strong and keep posting

I completely understand you.  After a time of what I thought was normal functioning I got smacked big time down to my knees.  Nothing made any sense to me.  Someone could throw me aside like trash... . I loved my gf very much, tried to understand her issues and where she was coming from, dealt with issues as they arose, and so on.  But? When I began to speak up and express my own desires in the face of always being there for her, it all fell apart.  I nursed her from hardly being able to walk when we met to now being a marathon runner!  My usefulness is now over... .

Days go by and then BAM, I'm inconsolable, but it passes and usually I can get to the bottom of my feelings being stirred up.  I too suffer from abandonment issues and care taking too.

But? I also know a lot wasn't about me and I'm trying to adjust my sails and move on.

Keep writing, it helps everyone here, big hugs

CiF

Banshee... . Yes I have been NC for just about 5 months... . I needed to do it for myself...

Although this time she had a replacement so I didn't fear the constant texting and emailing... .

I don't know why today in particular I'm so bothered by this... .

I'm guessing that it's a stage of detaching that I hadn't begun to feel fully... .

Something just made me think... . wow... . I'm still married to her and she's off having the time of her life with the new gf and here I sit ... . wallowing

Angry sad confused... . I guess the only way out is through

But it hurts

Thanks for your reply and you stay strong as well

Thanks CIF

It does seem like this is the first BIG smack in the teeth for me... . I feel like until now I'd been muddling ahead... . some good days... . some bad...

Today however was different... .

I'm thinking that tomorrow can only get better

Trying to be with it a bit... . and maybe my next steps will be bigger

Hugs to you as well