BPDFamily.com

This is my first post here. I have posted on the new members board. I am really trying to survive this situation but it just seems to be getting worse. My husband of 25 years was diagnosed with BPD recently after trying to commit suicide 3 times in Feb. I have expressed my story and frustrations on the other board but was encouraged to post here. My husband was hospitalized in mid Feb. when he confessed to the crisis counselor that he had made attempts to end his life. As a result, a psychiatrist, 2 social workers and a police officer showed up at my door to take my husband to be admitted into the psychiatric ward. He was recently released after 14 sessions of electroconvulsive therapy (ect). I do not believe that my husband was in any shape to make an informed decision and consent to this procedure. It has been pushed on us right from the beginning. I know that some people have benefited but it has been shown to only lasting effects for 6-7 months. Some people have it done on going, on a monthly basis. I have been against it right from the start as I did my research on the internet and the side effects were too great. It was a couple of weeks ago that my husband revealed that he has forgotten who I am, that he has kids and how many. He has no recollection of our wedding, fathering our children and even memories of his childhood are gone. The psychiatrist has said that this was the cost of saving his life. To me this was a big cost and now I have a BPD husband with major memory loss and he also has short term memory loss to go with this. It's so frustrating because we were told ect doesn't cause brain damage. If this isn't brain damage, I don't know what is. He is supposed to regain some of his memory and was informed that it would be spotty. He is supposed to have 50% recovered by now but I would say it is more like 10%. On top of that he is still suffering from depression which is what the ect was suppose to help. He is on medication which has side effects like tremors.

I am going for counselling but I am at a loss as to how to help my husband cope with what he has lost as well as suffering from mental illness. He has lost so much of his identity. My counselor used a term "ambiguous loss" to describe the situation I'm in. My husband is here but is not the man I married. He was a high functioning BPD who suffered on the inside and mainly only I knew there was something wrong but I didn't know what.

Every day is a challenge. He still cycles through ups and downs with his emotions daily. It will seem like we have made progress in our discussions and then he does something that indicates we are back to square one.  He is an adult but he just doesn't have the self control to make wise decisions. He's in the moment and if he desires it, he tries to get it no matter the consequences and then later regrets it.

I am in for the long haul but sometimes it is overwhelming.

Oh my god, your situation sounds truly quite demanding. I'm no experience on ECT but it sounds like the memoryloss is much more massive than ECT is supposed to cause? I think it is like a week or two, maybe a month at max. Not recognizing one's wife nor remembering one has kids is something of very different level.

Have you talked to anyone treating him how severe the memory loss is? Even if the background reason is something other than ETC it needs to be checked thoroughly. Again, no expert here, but i am a bit surprised ECT was chose for a BPD patient. I've though it's mainly used for catatonic patients (shiczoprhenia) and psychotic depression and that it is not necasserily ideal for severe depression + BPD patiens (for whatever reasons). Well, erm... . it's a bit controversial as treatments come.

I'm so sorry to read your story. Suicide attemps alone are lot to bear and now all that too.

I wish I could offer more and better advice

Hello garden lady,

You are having to cope with so much at the moment it most be extremely hard on you. You sound angry and upset by what has happened, I would be too if I was having to deal with everything that you are and have been.

Many years ago I worked on a psychiatric ward here in the UK where ECT was a go to first choice treatment for severe depression. Despite its horror story associations it is still used for severe and protracted depression especially where there is high risk of suicide and there is concern in waiting for medication to become effective.

Your husband must have been very unwell for them to use this as a first choice treatment and from what I read it sounds like he was. What I know about ECT is that memory loss very much depends on a number of factors; the type of ECT administered, the frequency, and the voltage used. Memory can be impaired in the way you describe for up to six months, and sometimes for as long as a year. Memory loss can be complicated and made worse by a continuing depressed mood, anxiety and any medication your husband is also taking.

Usually with a course of ECT it is a matter of waiting for memory to return and there may always be gaps, but usually in my experience the memories do return without too many huge holes.

It must however be awful for you in the meantime. To not be recognised by your husband must be very distressing.  You are having to manage under extreme circumstances complicated by your husbands BPD.

Can you talk with your husbands P about the memory loss and any other concerns you have? You have a counsellor which is really great I hope they are holding some of this for you.