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I got an email from my ex yesterday, on my birthday, saying

'Happy Birthday! Hope it's an excellent one. I miss you'

Though I didn't think much about it yesterday but can't get my mind off him today. What does he want? If he really cared, he won't have left me. I also know that there is no point in asking these questions. It's like taking steps backward (I have been in more than 7 months NC and doing well, except for googling him on internet sometimes).

After going through the pain of this abusive r/s, recycles, him finding a replacement, trying to be friends and finally NC, I think I came a long way in detaching myself from him. I believe in small steps and quite happy with my progress. I have my moments but since this morning, something is off. Suddenly I am not happy with things around me, my meditations ain't peaceful. I am going through flashbacks of happy times together to his anger towards me in a loop. Basically when happy film starts showing up, I have trained my mind to think about negative ones too, hence the loop. Logically it doesn't make sense to go back to thoughts but I don't understand why emotions are flowing in that direction. There is this strong urge to call/respond asking - What do you want now? But my brain is doing a good job in stopping me. (Yey!)

Wow... . can't believe someone had such strong power over me still, just 3 lines and I feel trapped again.

I've bbeen there. It sucks. And it's not fair. I have found the best thing is to not respond. Anytime I have has led to a world of pain. Good for you for training your brain. Super important. It is a necessary thing to do to bring the good and horrible together into one view. You are doing great.

I know this is hard but ignore him.  Go do something that is good for you.  Go do something that you enjoy.  Simple things are best.  Take a walk, read a book, get some exercise. 

Good luck