BPDFamily.com

July will be a year out of my relationship with my uBPDx boyfriend. I'm 4 months NC. I've posted here about having a difficult time with quitting checking his FB. I've found he has a beautiful young gf.

I, on the other hand, live in a smaller town and haven't met anyone. In fact, it feels right now that I'll never meet anyone that I care about as much or am as attracted to or feel such a connection with as I did with him.

Over Memorial day weekend, I went out of town with a friend as well as with some family and had a great time for 4 days. In fact, I stayed so busy that I didn't think too much about him. I will say this: 10 months ago when I first left... . maybe even just a few months ago, there is no way I would have been able to have a good time like I did. I was simply too devastated and sad.

So in a sense, I realize things must be getting at least somewhat better. Yet, I STILL check his FB, I still have magical thinking that he might come back, I still cry missing him occasionally, STILL feel lonely, and STILL feel pretty hopeless about meeting someone else. My self-esteem is decent and I know I'm intelligent, have a good job, have a great kid, am a great mom, and am attractive. Yet, I'm not meeting anyone at all-- and I've been on dating sites, etc.

In a very real sense, my ex also had some very tangible qualities that aren't always so easy to find. He was very smart, had a PhD, very good looking, had a really nice family, and was good with my son (although behind the scenes he did have some weird jealousy and some ambivalence about being a parent to him).

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can lift my spirits about how things have gotten better, about WHEN they get better, and about whether people have fallen in love and healthy relationships after their BPD ex. Basically, is there life after a BPD relationship?

Yes, a much MUCH better one.

You have to give yourself some time. I know a year sounds like enough, but sometimes it's not. I thought I was doing pretty good after a year, but now that I am two years out and think about what it was like a year ago, I progressed so much from then.

Yes, I found love again... . well maybe for the first time. All I know is that my relationship is EASY. I'm loved for who I am, flaws and all. There is no drama when I want to do something that doesn't include her. She loves my family and doesn't try to break us apart. I could go on but you get the drift.

Even if I hadn't found love, I would still be immensely happier by myself than with her. There is nothing in the world worth going through that again.

You will be fine. Time is on your side.

My life is much more calm, peaceful and I am a lot happier.

I have dated a lot and learned how to pick much better, not settling - in doing this I have really learned how to trust myself.

I am achieving a few personal goals that have been a long time in the making (no details here), but to say my life is really coming together nicely is an understatement.

Since the divorce, I have dealt with big life stuff too - job changes, death and my own health problems - coupling this with where I am - I can 100% tell you it does get better!

You are seeing it get better in your own life - just by reading your post it is there.

Time - no substitute for time and discipline in focusing on you and your own life.

Cheers!

SB

Oh, God, yes!

Once you free yourself emotionally from the BPD (easier said than done), life becomes FAR less chaotic. And you can also find love again - I did.   *)

Your life does go on. Thank God.

I completely agree. When you are just working through the whole mess,  it can seem like an eternity back to normalcy, but it does happen only with time. Your life does become less chaotic and you gradually start to feel "ok" again. There are many of us here who were exactly where you are now, and through time and perseverance came out of the FOG wiser and much happier. This will happen to you as well. "If your going through hell, keep going"-W. Churchill

My r/s ended last July too.  That one-year-anniversary is just around the corner -- congratulations to us.  

My ex moved on quickly becoming involved with a younger woman (she is younger than his daughter).   His new partner is probably more age-appropriate for him because he is emotionally immature.

I live in a rural area and haven't met anyone.  For a while I had my doubts about meeting someone again and falling in love.  I explored that, and in the process I realized that even if I met someone I wanted to date, I wasn't ready.  I'm still not ready, and that's okay.  When I'm ready, I hope to meet that person organically, through shared interests and activities that I'm involved in.  

Meanwhile, I'm spending a lot of time reflecting and doing the inner work that I need to do, and am staying busy with projects that I enjoy, and that reinforce my sense of wellness.  


You'll find the right person and will love again when the time is right.   I will too.  Hang in there.  

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words!