BPDFamily.com

Just like the title says - $20k in and and she literally decides that her now her lawyer is incompetent and she needs to hire a new "shark".  As far as I can tell it basically stems from the fact that she though allowing us a week to respond to a settlement offer was too long.

On top of that, she keeps asking me to sit down and work out a settlement with her directly.  Not sure, but I don't think that is even permitted when you are represented by an attorney.

I know from reading the boards here that this is not an uncommon situation and that I really should not be surprised by situation, but it is so disappointing.   Good grief, 2 kids are emancipated and the youngest is 17.  I already flushed money on a GAL that seemed basically for show when everyone acknowledges that no judge is going to force a 17 year old to do anything.

Maybe an extinction burst?

It really sounds to me like this is just getting dragged out for the sake of dragging it out. From your previous posts it seems to me that she's making up her "strategy" as she goes trying to find something that will work out exactly the way she wants. Have you talked to your L about mediation yet? I can't recall. The best way to avoid having a judge tell you to mediate at a court date is to do it prior.

Look on the bright side, she didn't wait until the day before a court date to get rid of her L and get a continuance while a new L gets up to speed. The BPD I'm dealing with has done that twice. She's on L number 4. 

We've had two continuances and only one lawyer.  It took her and the lawyer two weeks to draft a completely ridiculous parenting agreement - it took us one day to respond.  We basically kept the original agreement but just clarified things quite a bit to try to keep the problems to a minimum over the next four years until SS14 turns 18.

Now it's been another week, and her lawyer told our lawyer that they have nothing done yet.  Our final court date is in 1 1/2 weeks.  She quit her job last week, so we don't know if it's because she has no money to pay, is dragging her feet, or is going to try for another continuance for some other reason.

I just have to let it go, or I'll go crazy.  I'm glad we don't live close by, because I'd like to take a baseball bat to the new car she bought before she quit!

Hang in there!

Good to know they can treat their attorneys like absolute garbage too, I guess!

I'd ask your attorney about negotiating without him/her directly with BPDw. My guess is that this will be deemed a poor idea.

If she represents herself then she will have to deal with your atty. My ex did that for a few things, since she is smarter than anyone else, and got her ___ whooped. My atty couldn't believe it. A few instances like this and my atty realized I knew what I was talking about when dealing with my ex.

It sounds like in your case she realizes she isn't going to "win" so she would rather stay engaged with you at all costs. I know it sounds crazy but you have to understand how strong abandonment issues can be with someone that has BPD. Negative enagagement is still engagement. If things continue and everything is finalized than there is an end, ie abandonment.

stupid thing is that we were actually really close on settlement.  I took a big risk and called her this afternoon.  It kind of sounds like it was really more of blowout betweeen her and her attorney.

There is a chance that I might stll be able to salvage this.

Be careful this just isn't another disordered dance that goes nowhere and turns out to be wasted time and effort.

Thanks forever.  I have met with her a few times over the last few days and we actually have a draft we can both live with.  Her impulsivity trait is flying high and she quite anxious to move on and into a new place.   I have really have no desire to be mean but just want to move on peacefully as well.

The circumstances lend themselves that we may be able to meet both goals.  I have told my L that I feel we need to use her wishes to tactically keep the case moving.