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Right guys,

So I had kept nc since feb. Then yesterday he sent me a suicidle threat msg. This really worried me so when he rang I answered. And we talked for about 40 mins. He kept saying how much he loved me and that he needed me. Although it was quite a freakish-obsessive talk, which gave me the creeps a bit, I can't stop thinking about him today. He wanted at all costs to see me last night which didn't happen, and today I had absolutely nc from him. He hasn't even logged onto his whatsapp.

Is it normal to feel this way?

I felt so strong and off him for the past couple of months. I was doing so well and felt so strong. And now I feel like I'm in love again.

Hating myself today!

Don't hate yourself... . you have done nothing wrong. Remember, with pwBPD, they have a need to control and to be in control. And if they feel ignored, they will try to get your attention in any fashion. The NC they do to us is when they feel close... . so they immediately pull away in order to protect themselves. Did you validate him when you spoke to him for 40 minutes?

I myself am still learning and reading... . so I can only state my own opinion from what I have learned. I know this isn't easy... . they're great at pulling you back in. Afterall, that's how they start their relationships - with great intensity! So it's easy to get sucked back in... . and because our emotions tend to be more real once we get to know their sweet side, it's hard to see their "other" side... .

I agree with love love... . Consider the suicide message a gold star for you ability to go NC for so long  |iiii.  It bothered him so much he had to pull out all the stops.  (If the threat was real that is serious stuff, he may be in pain, and may even be having those thoughts in which case he should be somewhere under observation,  but odds are it was just a tactic to reel you in).

I hear you having mixed feelings, AND you noticed how manic he was... . that is all great stuff.   I hope you directed him to professionals for his state of mind.  It certainly is not your responsibility to take that on.

My therapist told me that a relationship is for the majority of the time supposed to be a positive experience... . no an insane roller coaster ride.  I realize that I did not know that when she told me?   That also meant that I was part of the problem. Why was I picking/accepting these individuals for relationships and why was I staying/attracted to the chaos?

Sounds like you are sorting it out... . Try to move forward... . stay away from the sick one and work on making you better better.

I know the siren sings... . why are we built this way? LOL!

Infared, good thoughts. I think pwBPD latch onto those who they sense care and that they can suck back in. It's definitely an emotional rollercoaster - one that you can't constantly put yourself through.

IF they choose to get help, then that's a HUGE step and a positive. But until then, there is nothing that you can do unfortunately... . the more you try to tell them you love and care for them, the more they pull away because they can't believe that you truly feel that way for them... . very frustrating.