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Title: Getting BPD parent to understand kids Post by: Washisheart on May 31, 2014, 01:12:58 PM I'm at a loss.
My uBPDfiance' seems to think that everything our 10 year old daughter does is done with malicious intent and that she does things on purpose "just to piss me off." She does have a bad "habit " (for lack of better words) if putting just enough effort into things to skim by UNLESS it's something she really wants to do. It gets frustrating for me & her teachers as well. For example, she appears to not understand math, until I blow up and yell at her and suddenly she scrambles to do the problem and do it right. It's frustrating, I understand. But he seems to think that I encourage her behavior, I make her this way and that he is "alone " trying to discipline her and make her do what she is supposed to and right. Everything just ends up circling around him. This is her nature, we all have a hard time with it. He acts like we're conspiring against him. It then turns into him acting like he had this miserable life and is suffering. All because the floor wasn't swept right. And if he tells her something, and she doesn't grasp it, watch out! She's deliberately ignoring him. And if she takes her time to do something right like he tells her too, and then he tried to rush her, but she still takes her time trying to get it right it's still her "not listening. " When I try to explain she is a child, he acts like I'm taking sides. I'm so frustrated Title: Re: Getting BPD parent to understand kids Post by: hergestridge on May 31, 2014, 03:57:45 PM Understanding kids required a bit more empathy and patience than understanding adults. pwBPD just don't have it, that's my experience. My BPDw started to behave the same way with our daughter when she was three. She can't look past the fact that she's just a child. It's all about the pwBPDs feeling. She can be very cruel and demanding and completely oblivious on how she makes the child feel.
My wife is angry with me because I'm not "on her side" when she gets into fights with our five year old, but I have set a firm (and outspoken) boundary there - I am not going to gang up my own daughter just because my wife expects me to. It would be terrible, and just the fact that she wants me to speaks volumes about how ill fit she is to be a parent. Title: Re: Getting BPD parent to understand kids Post by: an0ught on June 01, 2014, 12:47:51 PM I'm at a loss. My uBPDfiance' seems to think that everything our 10 year old daughter does is done with malicious intent and that she does things on purpose "just to piss me off." She does have a bad "habit " (for lack of better words) if putting just enough effort into things to skim by UNLESS it's something she really wants to do. It gets frustrating for me & her teachers as well. For example, she appears to not understand math, until I blow up and yell at her and suddenly she scrambles to do the problem and do it right. It's frustrating, I understand. But he seems to think that I encourage her behavior, I make her this way and that he is "alone " trying to discipline her and make her do what she is supposed to and right. Everything just ends up circling around him. This is her nature, we all have a hard time with it. He acts like we're conspiring against him. It then turns into him acting like he had this miserable life and is suffering. All because the floor wasn't swept right. And if he tells her something, and she doesn't grasp it, watch out! She's deliberately ignoring him. And if she takes her time to do something right like he tells her too, and then he tried to rush her, but she still takes her time trying to get it right it's still her "not listening. " When I try to explain she is a child, he acts like I'm taking sides. I'm so frustrated jadE ... . Explaining does not work so well. "Right, you are ignored. It is all about you. You are so important. If you take a step back you know that children are self centered. You two are so similar." - depending on the situation, tone of delivery and maturity of the person the last sentence may lead to a major blow-up or a tiny bit of insight. "She is indeed not listening. She may be simply stubborn. She may struggle to balance time and perfection. How does one balance competing goals best?" |