BPDFamily.com

Yep, he said it.

We have been having a very socially active month with many family gatherings. Anyway, his parents were coming for a visit and had decided to stay at a hotel. As we were talking about it, he said that he wasn't going to let them into our house -- he has issues with them judging how our house is cleaned and kept up. So, on the day that we actually see them, we had several family members present, and we all went to a restaurant. He was sitting closer to his parents, and I was sitting closer to my family members. We each had different conversations with different groups. Then, we were leaving and after saying goodbye to his family, I talked with my family for a while. He and the kids went and sat in the car. When I finished, I came to the car. He was livid -- but quiet at this point. I asked repeatedly what was wrong, and he refused to respond.

When we got home, he said that his parents were coming over and were going to give us a bit of time to get the house in order. Then, he said that he couldn't trust me. I pointed out that I was unaware of this plan, and it wasn't what he had talked about before. I told him that he could have told me about the plan then I could have helped. He didn't want to 'interrupt'. Then, I was told to 'get out' of his sight -- so I went and purchased some things that we needed for the house before his parents came by.

Thankfully, it blew over, and he was pleasant both during and after his parents' visit.

The funny thing was that when he came out with "I can't trust you" -- I thought it was so 'classic' but I didn't say anything about it. At that point, I stayed with the facts.

We have another stressful time coming up, but he probably has to be on his best behavior then.

Oh, I get the "get away from me", "leave me alone", "shut up", among others. I've learned to somewhat write them off. I've discussed how saying those things is not likely to get the best results from me, but saying that to pwBPD is like talking to a wall. I just tell myself that he truly must have a lot of self loathing to talk so badly to me. He is dysregulating.

Like your husband, he gets over it later, it's more ME who has trouble forgetting the hateful things he has said. Personally, I think because my husband has not been diagnosed, and he's never been confronted with it, he simply allows himself to act this way. Heck, even people who have been diagnosed struggle to control the impulses. I do think some of them can control it more than others though. I think it's a spectrum, and some have more ability to control urges and acting out than others. The hardest part for me to deal with is that I think my husband has way more control over his urges than he puts in action. I'm hoping if he ever gets diagnosed, that ability will be able to be channeled, and things will improve.

 

Yep... . best to not get sucked it. 

Also try to to get "controlled" by it. 

If they get it in their head that it "works"... that would be bad.