BPDFamily.com

How do you stay so calm when the BPD in your life pulls their coy games? She texted us asking for contact information for the kid's summer camp. We decided to move the question to email. We responded with all of the information she asked for. We then asked her to respond with the name and contact information for the person providing child care while the kids are with her and she is at work.

She responded with a name. No further information. And asking for information on who will be watching the kids when they aren't at camp.

This b*** s**** drives me right up a wall! I want to reach through the computer screen!

The only thing I can say is that since we are going to court soon at least both lawyers and the GAL are CCed on all of it. But now we have to give her an answer and then ask AGAIN for contact information. Which she still won't give us. Because she plays games.

What keeps the rest of the co-parenting nons of the world from going crazy?

This may seem trite, but knowing that I can't control what I can't control.

At least others are seeing the disorder games, and hopefully this behavior will be documented in court.

As a parent or guardian, of course you would want this information, but is she legally required to give it to you? I've been told that it's neither mine nor her business who we have watch the kids, as long as they are not in danger. My stipulation only references not having someone drive them under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

I guess it's my irrational fear that she's just going to continue to get away with it that drives me nuts. She wouldn't know what consequences are if they smacked her in the face. I totally get that she'll never think she deserves them or is at all at fault for anything. But it would be nice if she had to deal with some all the same. The rest of us certainly do.

In theory we didn't have to answer the question. But in front of an audience not answering or saying "it's none of your business" doesn't really look like co-parenting. She asked a simple question and she was given a simple response. Then we asked the exact same question and are now getting the run around while getting pressed for further details. The good news is that she hasn't responded to our response asking politely again for the information we asked for the first time. And I'm starting to think she won't. So that just gives everyone yet another peak at the double standard and refusal to cooperate.

Not so irrational, really.  My ex's consequences were few and far between.  Apparently consequences for my ex were spread across some 8 years, her getting her temp custody reduced to shared parenting, then losing custody, then losing equal parenting time.  I also remember that if it were me misbehaving the way she did, it wouldn't have taken the court some 8 years to figure it all out.  Though unwritten, it seems the female gender and the messed up people get the court's patience and default preference.

What's so frustrating too is that while it may take 3, 5 or 10 requests to get the information, once it is eventually obtained then all the officials will view it as Resolved and not be concerned at what hoops and hurdles had to be surmounted in order to get there.  Maybe it would count toward a demonstrated pattern of obstruction that would make a difference to court, maybe.

There's a lot that I just had to Let Go.  It is what it is, she is what she is, Radical Acceptance.  I didn't forgive, I didn't feel that was something I could or should do, but I did my best to Let Go.  Otherwise, I might stay Stuck and it would be hard to Move On.

Running. Yoga. Friends.  :)


Giving Ex only as much of my time, thought and emotions as I must, in order to follow the legal agreement and do the right thing for my kids. Remembering I cannot change him and this will never be fair, so dont waste my time on it (this took me YEARS to figure out and actually do but it is lifesaving).

And I am serious about the yoga running and friends!  Physical exercise, spiritual calm and meaningful connections help keep craziness in its place and help make life meaningful!

Total double standard she is off her rocker she has to know every little detail about me but when I call her out on her lies which she does 24/7if she wasn't lying I don't think she would have anything to talk about.all I want is my sons medical records last time I got them they were doctoed to hide the fact she has BPD

I wonder if she would have a baby with someone else she would start to leave me alone