BPDFamily.com

Its been less than three months since she moved out she still has stuff in the the house and i see through a friends facebook she is in a relationship. Felt sad when I saw it but I understand its the disorder and not me in someways it helps me confirm that she has BPD and I am not all to blame for the breakup. Since I now have a understanding of her and BPD and knowing how her daughter was concerned when she stared a relationship with me after tossing her boyfriend out only about three months before dating me should i let her daughter know about BPD. Her daughter is 28 married and seems normal to me.

I am sorry you feel sad and glad to read that you logically know it is not about you - honestly, some people just use a new relationship to get over an old one ... . it is not a reflection on you or whether she loved you.

Her daughter - well, is her daughter.  As you are not a Dr. and not qualified for the BPD diagnosis or even how to handle that kind of serious talk with her daughter, it is best to leave that door closed.  If you do find yourself unable to keep boundaries - don't be accusatory, maybe say something like - "I read SWOE and thought you might find value as I did as it related to your mom".

What would be the  actual goal of telling the daughter?

Hang in there,

SB

Stop looking at the newsfeed for a while.  Seriously.  In my experience they KNOW you have mutual friends and will try to make as many appearances as possible in them to show off how happy they are without you... . and it's bunk. 

Do yourself a favor and either toss her stuff in the garbage or contact a mutual friend to drop it off with them.  Just looking at that junk is torture for you.  Seriously.  Get it out of your life.  Hell, I'm getting my whole kitchen remodeled... . because it does remind me of her... . especially the scratches she carved into my counter when drunenly trying to cut off a bit of cheese.  Woof. 

Standard advice applies.  Get to gym, get in wicked shape, get therapist, get moving.  Take a trip too if you can.  Its your life now not hers. 

Hey itsnotme,

I predict that a day will come when you are grateful to be out of the r/s with your Ex pwBPD.  At that point, you may even feel sorry for the poor guy who is your replacement.  It's hard, I know, but moving on is the right path for you.

As to contacting her daughter, I say No Way.  What you may perceive as being helpful will likely be taken the opposite way.  It's a Lose/Lose proposition, in my view, so don't do it.

Hang in there,

LuckyJim

Early on, this was one of the only beliefs I just couldn't see myself permanently subscribing to. My ego told me that I should be her only guy, the Number One Guy. But you know what? In time, the fog clears up, and you eventual realize (keyword: realize, not 'come to terms with' that you were frickin' lucky to escape.

That's not to say my ego was deflated; all the times she claimed to be deadly serious and in love with one of my successors, she was soon back on the phone with me or texting me just as, if not obsessively than I was, her. Then there were occasions of her I remembered demonizing the one BF before me, as well as the guys after me (when she had spat them out, of course), to the point where I knew there's something wrong here.

It's a pattern, that's all it is. Nothing personal. And the next BF will either be whipped and her Beast of Burden, or run into ruin. Then it'll be onto the next one, over and over. I'm not just repeating BPD scripture here, I witnessed this with my own eyes. It was literally the same thing over and over.

There was a time where I wanted this woman to rear my child. And I'm not one to take that subject lightly. Now? I thank the heavens above that I didn't get her pregnant. I would've been destroyed completely.

You don't wanna to end up hollow and battered like an empty fishcake. Trust me. You'll see in time.