BPDFamily.com

Hey Leaving Board!

When I found myself here, I was a bit of an emotional mess - as most of us are, right?

If I had a nugget of advice that can really help us turn the corner into focusing inward so we can process our own emotions it would be giving ourselves the time for self care.

What does your self care look like and how much time a day are you really dedicating to... . YOU?

Do you let yourself cry?

Are you praying or meditating or being quiet somehow?

Physically - are you getting your body moving or eating healthy and sleeping?

Do you have any outlet that gives you joy?

Peace,

SB

Exercise. Exercise is basically something I always make time for as a way of keeping myself sane. No matter what happens in life I take my hour a day to go to the gym and do something that purely benefits me and keeps me healthy (mentally and physically).

I MEAN to sleep more, but I always sleep less. Maybe 5 hours a night. When I'm upset I have nightmares which aren't necessarily about the bad stuff happening in life, but they are DEFINITELY caused by trauma.

I consciously say to myself 'I'm dealing with stuff at the moment. I know I'm not getting enough sleep. I will do my best to proceed as normal but I will not beat myself up for not performing as well as I usually do.'

I give myself at least one thing to look forward to in a day. Usually it's saying I'll watch an episode of a TV show I really like before I go to bed.

And no, I don't cry. I'm living with family. They don't even know about recent events. I'm not sure if the outward suppression of emotions is a good thing or not: makes me feel like I'm maintaining some dignity, kind of like life will go on regardless. But I'm sure others will say my poker face is unhealthy.

Thanks for sharing Redsky!  |iiii

Yeah, exercise was huge for me too - that breakup diet & body is no joke, right?  lol

Crying - the pain has to go somewhere, but if you feel in more control by not doing it - that is likely what you need right now.  Eventually, tears seem to find a way out for us all.

SB:

I sort of did this backwards.  It was during her nocturnal rages in late 2012/early 2013 that I would cry myself to sleep. I had no idea what the heck was going on.

Once I got to a point of light of understanding what her diagnosis really is, I would listen to a lot of depressing music in the car by myself and cry.  I thought over and over, "Here I am married to Zelda Fitzgerald," and I would forevermore be cursed and bound to her.

On the outside I would smile.  She refused me to go to therapy for years because "they will tell you to divorce me."  I was too obedient.  When she went away to her first institution I started therapy.   I went weekly, even when she got kicked out of two places.

Only now am I able to try and find a few minutes for myself to think, between the job , the kids, the bills, and her ever looming presence. 

I have a set of goals and they are slow to happen, but I know I must save me first, and as fearful as I am of that, I know me and the kids are gonna be ok.

Today as I was driving and listening to the radio it played the Nights in white satins - Moody Blues (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdykXAT19Go&feature=kp)

I almost cried and then I told myself: please be strong, she don't deserve your tears. So I opened the window and took a breath.


Now I can take a bath or a shower "alone". Before I thought I must not spend too much time in the bathroom because

she would feel ignored  :'(


I might say that now feel peace indeed; with the full meaning of the word.

I struggle with this.  The advice is always to "take care of yourself".   I don't know how to begin to do that.  Am barely making it through the days at this point.

Thanks for sharing Gary!


Slow is ok - that was a hard concept for me to accept... . I had a plan and I execute, simple right? 

this emotional journey that includes self care really is on its own timeline - and you are right... . you and your kids will be OK  |iiii

You know, not crying at a certain point is self care too - and nothing better than slowing down and breathing... . thanks for that sharing and reminder  |iiii

Well Em, you are probably doing better than you are giving yourself credit for... . I mean posting here, that is self care right? 

How about hot baths?

baby steps Em... . it isn't like any of us were fully functional when we first came here, it was the baby steps that add up and one day you realize, you really are just fine... . happy even.

Thanks for sharing 

I'll point out that if you're barely making it through the day, you ARE making it through the day and you'll keep making it through the day.

For me routine is actually like a crutch when things go wrong. You know that you're going to go to work, make dinner and so on - actually that's all good stuff because it's easier to get through the day when you follow your pattern.

me too - the things I can count on (yoga schedule, certain tv shows, work, etc)