BPDFamily.com

Well. I have been wrestling with the thought of understanding her for... . years... . And our relationship for years... . but with real thoughts of it being done for about 2 months.

Last night we were having a discussion about how selfish I am, how I don't think of her, etc. Then she decided to tell me what she thinks is the problem.

The problem is that my ex wife didn't treat me well. When I married my wife, I had baggage from my ex wife. Now that my ex wife has recently remarried, I am making my uBPDw life hell and being selfish because I my ex wife has moved on.

Huh? What?

It then hit me. The physical abuse, the verbal abuse (she finally admitted it happens), the happiness to anger... . NONE of that is related to the marriage we have? I finally saw that she doesn't acknowledge or own her role in the relationship at all.

Wow... . What a profound moment. That's the motivation I needed to execute the next steps of leaving. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.

For anyone else out there with the same confused experience in a relationship with an uBPDw, the confusion is part of the game and the clarity while relieving painful.

The confusion can become an obsession that robs your soul.  Be sure to look up the links to the right about the BPD behaviors. 

Its hard to know what the truth is  because the way they reveal it is fragmented and often projected or is the opposite of what they portray.  Understanding the disorder might be as close to the truth you will get.  The better its understood then looking back you can see things in a different light.

Who is the source of the confusion?

What causes the confusion?

The concept of the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) always resonated with me.  Have you seen this discussion?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog)