BPDFamily.com

The short version - I took money, about a third of our savings, moved them into my own account. I tried to take half but UdBPD h stopped transfer before complete. I have already used most of the money to pay retainer. UdBPDh snuck into the house and took all my cash and credit cards to joint account, and check book from my purse. I called the police, they said they couldn't do anything. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm shocked. What should I do? I'm not suppose to meet with my lawyer again for a week. I'm not going to have gas money to drive to her office. I don't work due to numerous health issues although I keep looking at the want ads and hoping to figure something out.

Not sure if this is the best option, but call the credit card companies, report the card lost or stolen, ask for the current cards to be invalidated and ask for new cards.  (Could he intercept the mail?)  Same with the bank.  If it's open in the morning, go there as soon as they open and close the account, moving the money to a new account.

Are the credit cards with a joint account?  If both of you are account holders then you have just as much right as him to the account.  If you're just a card holder than there's not much you can do besides reporting them lost/stolen.  However, on the bright side, as card holder the credit card companies will consider him as the sole person to come after if not paid.

I can't believe the police said they couldn't do anything, is it because you're married?  Still, you can make a report, you ought to be able to make them document your loss.

Oh, and change the locks if he's not living there.  If nothing's been filed yet that may not be enough to stop him.


That's if things are normal.  Sadly, our divorces are not normal.  Call the lawyer, leave a message outlining what happened and ask for legal advice and options.  Time to leave timid you in the past, time to be more assertive and proactive.

I remembered last night I already have a debit card on my desk I needed to activate. Old one expiring. Useless though. He cleaned out the account. The credit card is in both our names. He has let the amount max out to 10K. Normally he pays it off every month. He's saying I have to use my funds to pay the credit card. That he won't pay it. Mind you he makes 10k a month and has 20k in cash in the bank. I'm going to see if I can close the credit card account so at least he can not put anymore on it with my name on it. I found his poker money so using that to buy groceries today. Mean while he is out of town vacationing.

Talk to your lawyer.  Find out what your options are.  Ask about "temporary orders".

For example, if your husband now has some money and you don't, you might be able to get the court to order an immediate solution to that.  The court might make him give you half the money.  He might also have to pay you enough to live on, if that's how things have been working up til now.

Where I live, the court won't let the spouse who makes the money keep it all and the other spouse be broke.  Things have to remain as they have been in terms of financial arrangements, until the divorce is completed.

According to my lawyer, the courts here won't do emergency hearings for stuff like that. She has to write up a petition, udBPDh will refuse to sign it, then a court date will be set to established spousal and child support. When he left town he left me with a car with a quarter tank of gas, expired inspection sticker, and bald tires. I can imagine it will only get worse before it gets better. Of course were still living together. He won't leave His house. Thanks for all the suggestions. Have this place to come to where people understand helps.

Is there a womens shelter or legal aid where you live?  Ask someone at the courthouse or google it.  In most US cities there are resources to help women in your situation.

Also, talk to someone at the courthouse to make sure you know all your options - filing an "ex parte" petition for example.  Your lawyer may not know all the options or may not care.  If you explain your situation to someone at the courthouse there may be options your lawyer hasn't told you about.

I already went to the dv shelter. If I have to leave, they can provide a place for 48 hours. I called legal aid. Which is 'really legal consulting. They will only offer advice, they haven't called back. I don't want to go around my L. My T recommended her. She has experience with udBPD and narcissistic personality. I'm lucky she is taking me. Nothing is going to happen till 1, the preliminary has been filed. Or 2, I'm assaulted. The county/state makes divorcing with kids very difficult. Luckily I will be able to get spousel support. I'm just glad I didn't do this two years ago when I first thought about it. I wasn't as strong or healthy then and would have fallen apart from the stress. I just bought $30 in groceries and $6 in gas  with quarters. I will call L on Monday and go from there.

Family or friends who can help?

Did he close the account?  If not, is his paycheck automatically deposited?  Thinking of the possibility he might have forgotten to file paperwork to have check deposited elsewhere. 

The joint checking acct. Is still open. Less than $100. I'm sure first thing Monday he will have pay deposits changed. No family in state. No help from them financially. I will be going home to visit in July. Someone is going to lend me a car and they will entertain my kids. I'm hoping he talks to his L on Monday and is convinced that cutting me off completely is going to make him look like an ass. I started working on papers from lawyer. Very overwhelming. At least they are detailed. Seeing my T on Thursday. Ready to have a pity party. Someone suggested that I basically go on strike. No cooking, cleaning, and most important, don't drive kids around. Leave it to him. I don't see how this will help. Also, he is scheduled to go out of town three days.

Tit for Tat?  I don't think that will help you, it will give him fuel to blame you (more) and you might look just as bad as him.

However, if he doesn't make money available for gas and bills, I can see not driving the kids around, but make sure it's done right.  We don't want a Blamefest where he says you're not __ and you say he's not __.  All that happens is that the kids lose.  On the other hand, don't waste your resources going out of your way above and beyond to make yourself look better to him, he's not likely to appreciate it and reciprocate.

Truism here:  The one behaving poorly seldom gets consequences and the one behaving properly seldom gets credit.  Courts don't like to pay winners vs losers, do don't expect family court to get excited and reprimand him.  It might but don't count on it.  For the court it's just another day at court.  It's not their lives turned topsy-turvy.

Such as cooking, how can you cook for the kids and him not eat some?  Though I agree, you don't have to serve his favorites or cook his requests... .

Hold your life together until you can get to court.  File ASAP even if the first hearing is set weeks later.  Why?  Often the court will issue child support and perhaps spousal support too retroactive to the FILING DATE.  So be sure to ask for retroactive support.

You should look into a Divorce Care support group,that meets in your area. Google it, they meet in Churches all across the country. They are very helpful with people,going through divorces plus you will meet people in similar situations that can be a means of friendship and support.

Hang in there... . Take the Gloves off and fight back!

Have your lawyer call his lawyer and tell him what is happening.  His lawyer should tell him that if he does not give you some money right away this will all be shown to the judge and he will look very, very bad.  (His lawyer will also look bad for letting his client behave so badly.)

I sent an email to the L this morning. Waiting to hear back. Hiding in my room. The kids all plan to ask for money tonight for various school items this week. The norm is he tells them to go ask your mother. Tic tock.