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So today i went out on a date with a woman who i met 2 weeks ago we got to know each other pretty well when we hung out so today was first offial date it whent great we laughed dhe came back to my place we watched a movie she made moves to have sex but i didnt want to i said i didnt feel confortable and she understood but heres the thing she coulda stayed and cuddled and talked and slept in my bed and i would of felt fine but whennit comes to sex i felt wrong shamefull like i was cheating i dont understand how BPDs can have u rrplaced in the blink of an eye i miss being close to someone and companionship and talking to someone but it doesnt feel right is this normal im 4 months out and felt i was doing good in detaching but i freaked out was scared of sleeping with her i woulda of loved to cuddle with her and talk while holding her in my arms but i dont want to have sex with her god whats wrong with me she was pretty and im pretty sure i wont hear from her again

I'm about 6 months out and I've only slept with one person since breaking up with my ex. I too wasn't really in any kind of passionate mode so I found myself drifting in and out of being present, but it ended up being very slow and tender. (very different from sex with my ex, and not at all as fulfilling of an experience) It sucks, but I just don't have the intense attachment to her that I did to my ex. I also don't put out the same kind of energy that I used to. I think it'll just take a while to re-connect with my turn on after building someone up to be our sexual source and having them cut out of my life.

What made you not want to make the love with this woman?

It felt wrong like i was cheating on my ex and betraying my family and partialy scared i wanted to be close to her and cuddle and be emotionlay intamate but not physicaly i enjoyed talking to her and huging but but it just felt so wrong whennit came to sex

I would say just don't rush sex. You are cool with sleeping in the same bed with her. That means you are largely detached from your ex. Find a girl that will take things slow. If this girl isn't interested in you now anymore because you didn't want to have sex on the first date was she really "the one" for you anyway?

While you take things slow with her or the next girl you might want to just tell them a generic one sentence phrase like this "I just came out of a bad relationship and I want to take things slow." If you say that your hung up on your ex then that might not go over as well with them.

She was verry understanding but i just dont know why i would feel so bad abiut it but i do fantadize about sleeping in the same bed just dont know about sex

I know that feeling.

Build up the emotional bond first.  Tell her your heart is still tender from being broken and you don't want to confuse things.  Women tend to love hearing that.

You want to be loved and held which is completely normal. In your case probably the healthiest thing to do though is build a relationship and then get in bed later, right?

I agree with AO in a sense if a relationship with this woman is what you're hoping to develop, but I sense from how you describe things it may be too soon for that. Sounds reboundy to me.

If you're ok just being friends with her you could just ask for what you want, but be aware of why you're connecting with this woman. I had the same urges to just be close to someone and i realized that was probably what I was looking for rather than the sexual connection. Following that I gained a lot of strength from facing the realization that I had become addicted to curling up with my ex every night and having her with me and I really didn't think it was living in integrity to seek that closeness based on that empty feeling. I was too aware that I was running from the feeling of being truly alone. Part of what kept me in my r/s for longer than i should have stayed.

I made a decision to own my solitude. Spreading out in my bed at night, and realizing that I wasn't incomplete at all without someone there with me. (this happened in stages) Rather that I was at the beginning of a journey that would lead to me sharing my bed with a woman (or women depending on how I decide to approach dating) that would be excited to be there with me and that I'd be as excited to have there. It doesn't have to look like anything that has come before either so if you dig the cuddles there's nothing wrong with that as long as your cuddle partner is all about it without the expectations of more than you can give. Those kind of conversations are what I'm looking forward to as well. Expressing my wants and desires to someone, and being ready to hear what they want too.

There's plenty of time to figure it all out. I've succumbed a few times to just spending the night with this girl holding each other and may again. Connection can be hard to quit cold turkey. Enjoy the journey and be as gentle with yourself as you wish someone else would be with you. This is a lifestyle/values shift/addiction recovery thing. It's not always neat and tidy.

Well i dont really have a problem sleeping alone i guess im scared of being hurt if i dont give my all then i eont be hurt