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I think my brother has BPD. His whole life he has struggled with relationships. He has strained relationships with my siblings and my mother. He has had many girlfriends and a few times hes been engaged but the relationships always end because he gets angry, jealous, sensitive ... . etc. etc. etc. Every symptom of BPD I think fits my brother (the anger ... . the impulsiveness ... . feeling like people are against him ... . feeling like walking on eggshells around him, etc).

My brother that I think has BPD has gone to basically living his entire day in solitude (besides going to work). I think he is afraid to make friends or enter a new romantic relationship because he is afraid he will have more angry outbursts and maybe hurt someone. I feel like his anger has escalated and escalated over the years.

Any advice on how to gently suggest to him that I think he may have BPD? He won't see a therapist but does somebody have some suggestions on how he can get some help himself to recognize that his illness may be deeper then loneliness and anger?

I feel bad that your post hasn't been answered yet so I'm both bumping it and maybe trying to offer a suggestion. It's a sticky situation. You don't want to offend him yet you want to help. Have you ever tried sitting down and having a discussion with him about his behaviors? Does he seem to think there's a problem? Maybe if he opens up I'd suggest it but just simply suggesting it out of the clear blue sky may hurt him. Other than that I don't know. My experience with BPd's is limited. My brothers wife is uBPD and after I read up on it I realized an ex of mine was most likely suffering from it too. At the time, I had no idea there was a name for what was wrong with him. Wish I was more help for you. Hope your question is answered by someone more qualified. Did you write about your story on the intro board? A lot of mods read there and may offer help. Good luck!

 *welcome*, chika14!

Thanks for posting. It sounds like you are worried about your brother and want to help him. I can see why you are concerned about his escalating anger and isolation. BPD can be such a painful disorder, both for those who have it and for their families.


Is your brother asking for help right now? I ask because most people with BPD have a hard time with any suggestion that there could be something wrong with them--part of the disorder is some very strong defense mechanisms. Many people who have suggested to a loved one that they may have BPD are met with anger, projection, denial, etc. Even though the goal of sharing that information is to get the person to accept help, the opposite is usually achieved--increased resistance. Your brother might very well benefit from treatment or help of some kind; still, it might not be your job to convince him to change. This article may be helpful to you: Article 6: Helping a Loved-One with Borderline Personality Disorder Seek Treatment (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy)

Have you ever considered talking with a local domestic violence hotline or suicide prevention hotline for help making a safety plan in case your brother does talk about hurting himself or someone else? Has your brother ever been suicidal before?

It might also help to seek some professional advice from a therapist. Have you ever considered seeking therapy for yourself? I found it really worthwhile.

Wishing you peace,

PF