BPDFamily.com

My dxBPD gf and I had a fantastic weekend together... . a lot more time ten we usually have.  It was fun and relaxing despite her being sick.

Of course now it has all blown up in my face.

She got upset over a convo that we had after I left her place.  We were discussing the weekend and how we were not ready for it to end.  She turned her comments sexually saying that she had wanted to be sexual with me (we weren't and this was not an issue for me). So I said I appreciated her telling me that and that I had no idea.  Again she was sick... . and she was all cuddly but nothing was sexual.

Well that comment has blown up into her saying she sucks at sexual intimacy and she has decided that she just won't be sexual with me or anyone else ever again.   She decided she needs time now which is fine but I know she is in a very bad state.

She of course says she isn't upset with me or with her it's just I can't possibly understand.  Of course she also says I am free to go if I don't like her decision.   Testing?   She won't explain what the heck is going on at all and I am hugely confused.

We have been together for almost 4 years now and we broke up several months ago for 3 months.  Things have been so much better with using the tools on this board!

When we got back together I instituted a few boundaries and one was no silent treatment.  She can take time.  But she needs to check in every day.  No more pretending I don't exist for days on end.   She has done very well with this boundary so I fully expect her to check in with me at some point today.   Probably late tonight when she thinks I will be sleeping.

On the off chance she contacts me when I am able to talk to her does any one have any advice to help?

I very much dislike being blindsided by such things.  And of course I do not wish to remain in a completely celibate relationship.  My needs matter too.  She knows full well I will work with her on anything and I simply want her to feel safe.

But I also think that in the future I need to add some more boundaries.  I do not find it very fair that she is making decisions that affect both of us without even bothering to explain why.

I am sure this will blow over.  I am not sure however what triggered her and I am not sure how to deal with it until it does.  I am frusturated and hurt and angry right now.   I tire of the games and the drama.  I know this is the disorder and not her but I suppose I am looking for ways to help minimize the damage it does.

She does pretty well with strict boundaries and I know I fell into the trap by asking her repeatedly to explain and letting her know I was upset.   But I think I am having difficulty balancing my needs with validating all her emotions if that makes sense.

Amu