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" Can't see you right now because of your hurtful behaviors!".  Going on day 16 now.

However... . she still texts me this morning with, " Good morning hun... . Happy Monday ( kissy icon)", and has to still talk and text with me 4 plus hours a day everyday for the last 16 days.  What the heck

I know, why haven't I set up boundaries and why do I allow it.  Need some serious help with boundaries here you all.

To set boundaries, you could say:  We could text each other only once per day.  If she text you twice, you never answer the second text.

Boundaries are tools you use to protect you from her behavior. (And work better on some behaviors than others... . )

Unfortunately, mixed messages are one behavior that I'm having trouble coming up with good enforceable boundaries for.

What specific behavior do you want to protect yourself from?

IMHO, using, as I am to understand, physical distance to control and punish.  I also must take into consideration your... . "I'd take a third option: Unable to process a normal r/s in a clear fashion due to mental illness, resulting in mixed messages."

Unfortunately, that issue is a difficult one to address with boundaries.

The boundary enforcement I can think of is something like this: If you push me away like this, I will protect myself by not being in a relationship with you.

Ending the r/s is a really tough boundary. (Also one we don't recommend on the staying board.)

Boundary enforcement is good at taking yourself out of the consequences of bad behavior. What it cannot do is create good (or desired) behavior in another person.

What you can do about this is change how you think of it and react to it.

For one thing, you know she is keeping physical distance. What you don't know is WHY she is doing it. It may not be to control or punish you. My guess is that is not a motivation she would admit to, even to herself, but you really don't know. In addition, you get a choice to be punished by it, or to let yourself be controlled by it, or the fear of it.

If she goes away for a week or two, find things you enjoy doing without her during that time. (If you already have solo activities you enjoy regularly, it is easier because you can just do more of them.)

If you have a problem with her txts when she is otherwise staying at a distance, think about how you respond to them... . or decide that you do enjoy that sort of contact with her and let it be as it is.

Understood... . whatever the reason, I believe you are correct in saying that I must set up a boundary around protecting myself.  I must be firm and consistent in enacting it also. Thank you.