BPDFamily.com

Has anyone ever linked SO's of BPDs to Stockholm Syndrome?

Seriously.  Think about it.  How many times have you defended your SO's "feelings" or justified their outbursts or cruel behavior based on their childhood experiences?

I engaged in exactly this justification for years. I know what you mean. In fact, one day after giving me a shoulder to cry on, a good friend typed something into the browser on his phone and pulled up the Wikipedia page for Stockholm Syndrome and silently handed me his phone so that I could read it. It really resonated with me and proved to be the first step of many toward a valuable self education and healing process. So, yes, this is something that others have noticed before. If you feel like you are in this situation, you are not alone.

Keep engaging with this community - a lot of us have been there.

I read the book Betrayal Bonds which I highly recommend to anyone on these boards. It's all about how this kind of relationship develops and why we end up staying for so long. The book isn't about BPD specifically but about relationships that are harmful to us. It explains what happens when we endure abuse and the actual process of Stockholm Syndrome. There is a chemical in our brain that bonds us to someone that does harm to us, if they are also nice to us at some point. If you think about Stockholm Syndrome it's actually a survival coping mechanism. Your brain is trained to make you bond with someone who may possibly do you harm if you see good in them. This way you survive in a hostage type situation, because the abuser bonds with you too, they are less likely to actually do you harm.

It makes sense to me and helps a person understand why it is so difficult to continue with this type of relationship or just call it a day.  Adaptation and survival is what we humans do best and anyone dealing with making the decision to stay or leave, keep the relationship or cut it off, etc. in a BPD relationship can certainly identify.  I know I do.  Thanks for sharing this.  It's what I needed to hear today.  Faith. Hope. Love. 

There's a really great discussion on this topic: Traumatic Bonding,Intermittent Reinforcement,Stockholm Syndrome (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=63989.0)