BPDFamily.com

I was wondering if it is not a wise idea for myself to be using the same T as my 14-year-old son?

The reason I am questioning this is if somewhere down the road my sons therapist would be needed if my wife ever try to change custody. Would it look bad to a court that the father was using the same therapist, in other words that I might be trying to manipulate the therapist into believing what I want him to believe about my uBPDxw.

My son is having MAJOR problems with his mom abandoning him and all the pain hes in from her actions with living with neighbor across the street.

I asked the therapist this question and he said he didn't see a problem with both of us seeing him but I don't think he really understands where I'm coming from. My personal thought is that I should probably see a separate therapist. My X did sign papers saying it's OK for son to see a therapist.

I appreciate all input.

From a practical standpoint only... . How oppositional is she?  Just from this post it sounds like she's focused more on her adult relationships than being possessive and controlling with her parenting relationships.

Most mothers described here are of the possessive, controlling, obstructive type and using the same T would almost surely be an issue, if not sooner then later.  But if she's not and is instead of the wandering sort and has left son behind, then it may not be such a large concern.

I guess it's hard to convince your son that her departure is all about her internal issues and not about him?

My S24 and I see the same T.  I believe it gives my T a better handle on our situation. 

At this point (1 yr since she left) she is TOTALLY 100% focused on new r/s. She only sees kids every other weekend and is not doing anything as far as parenting goes... . well she IS making it HARDER for me to parent but that's another story. I worry though because she seemed very defensive about S14 seeing a therapist even though she signed off on it. I think it's because she KNOWS that SHE'S the reason he's in therapy.


My uBPDxw is the WAIF type. She doesn't rage or obstruct but she is VERY MANIPULATIVE. Yes she has left the son behind physically and emotionally but she hasn't left 100%. She keeps in his life just enough to soothe her guilt. I just worry because a couple of time she has mentioned that she may want to change the custody to 50/50. I don't buy that because I know her ways now. She's just saying that so to make me THINK she wants that. She says that to make herself feel better (thank God for my education from BPD Family) ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! But I started this thread to be prepared if she CHANGED or her r/s falls apart and she wants to seek more custody.


Yes that's EXACTLY where He's at now. I'm delicately trying to show him that she hurts everyone around her not just him. I have talked to him in bits and pieces about BPD but it's a delicate issue. I don't want him overly worried about I'm Mom as he has ENOUGH issues on his plate now. Her family has even talked to him about how she has hurt all of them so he does see that it's not just him that his Mom is hurting.

I agree with you and I have already experienced that. It does give the counselor a better feel for the overall dynamic.

I just don't want to neap jeopardize any input the counselor may have in the future if uBPDxw tries to go after custody. I like to hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Talk frankly to your T that in the future you may need testimony for custody purposes.  You sincerely hope that it does not come to that, but should the need arise, is there going to be a conflict for him? 

True, I don't have custody issues.  However, my S24 lives with me and eats my food (but not allowed to drink my beer) .