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When we (unaware nons) learn about/understand their fears, frustrations and pain after the fact (breakup), does it make a difference to them? (As such, and, without labeling, I've reached out - but with no response from my exBPDgf.)

Depends but probably not.  They often see themselves and their behavior in a totally different reality.  They don't see themselves as you see them.  They still see themselves as they brainwash you to see them during the relationship... . with an indulgent permissivism.  In fact, what they really care about knowing is that you are still obsessed with them -whether you love them or hate them.

They don't "make up"

You have to guess you are back as an item

Or maybe not?

depending on the next break-up

Oh ... . and don't forget THAT made up !

You will pay dearly for the wrong assumptions ... .

... . were you apart ?

Is there a difference between the two?

You might have sex, but she still refuses

to kiss you ?

Mindboggling

   

outofegypt, fanie: Thank you for your replies. Yes, I believe she is enjoying the attention I have been giving her. I tend to think she would be positively receptive to the fact that I finally "get" her. However, even if she were positively receptive, she wouldn't be one to reply back as it would be "inappropriate" or "disloyal" to her ex-husband she divorced 1.5 years ago, whom she (triangulated) has been seeing for the last 4 months after splitting me black for "ignoring" her, making her "secondary" and not loving her "full-time". Or, she simply became bored as we settled into the relationship despite the full calendar of fun events she attended with me. No, we were never apart. She asked for "time alone" to think about things; time needed to reconcile with her ex-husband, essentially. I gathered a few things I had at her place and I haven't seen her since then. Fanie, I'm not sure what you mean by "is there a difference between the two"... .