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This may not give you much hope, but I've been suffering from PTSD symptoms since the end of my relationship with my BPD exgf just over a year ago. The symptoms have lessened, but every time something reminds me of her--- Facebook prompting me to add her (I blocked her last night because I was tired of this happening), or the occasional text or phone call from her after she initiated NC about 3 months ago--- it all comes flooding back. I was actually pondering making a post like yours because it feels so strange to me to be suffering from PTSD simply from a bad relationship... . but here I am nonetheless. All of that said, I don't think it's permanent; I know that for the short time I was able to utilize it, EMDR therapy helped me tremendously with my PTSD. You may want to look into it if your symptoms become too much to handle.

People tend to assume it's just another painful break-up but it's not.  You have been emotionally manipulated and abused (if not physically) and left completely depleted.  Be gentle with yourself and surround yourself with friends.

I reached out and made contact today and regret it! Now am having an extrememly difficult time functioning.

I can say with certainty that it goes away. I displayed symptoms for two years but the last few months have been much easier and I seem to only have flashbacks and nightmares once every couple months now. What helped me is stimulating my brain as much possible through reading, unloading my thoughts through discussion and writing.

The brain is confused and has absorbed so much that it has to process it all. It will soon. Stay positive.

The hardest hardest hardest part was I had no one to talk too... . where I could vent, cry, stomp my feet, say 'it's not fair'... ect; and they just listen / agree / and love me thru it.

Keeping it inside chewed me up like a chainsaw... . made it worse, made it last longer.

It's very difficult to find people to vent to that will just listen.  Nobody I know is willing to do thAt. They find me selfish negative and toxic for doing for venting and not just doing what they tell me to do.  They judge me and lose respect for me.  A couple of them betrayed my confidence and told my ex what I was going through and she used that information to hurt me to new depths.  

I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy.  

All lot of times people would tell me "just let it go" and to "just be positive" with some sort of law of attraction type of jargon. On the whole I have found that type of logic to be very invalidating and made it difficult to not feel Ashamed.  There were insinuations that I just enjoy being the victim.  This further confused me because I was already more I was more confused than I already had been and just seemed to validate the gas lighting I had received from my ex.  It cAused me to further second guess my gut feeling and I began to believe that I may be the source of toxic energy.  It drove me crazy in the sence that I began to believe someone else's demons were my own.

GOI, It's not about reality. Borderline is about fantasy. It is about yearning. It is a thought disorder (a belief system) that one will find the perfect true love, the soulmate in order to fuse to and be carried throughout life, enmeshed together. In a sense it is about the entitlement of a small child who doesn't know how to grow up. The child cries and cries about being alone and then once picked up and carried cries and cries to get free. In a sense BPD's don't know how to get what they want- but between these two polar opposites is intense *yearning* which is obsessive.

What you are experiencing in the aftermath of a break-up is also yearning, but it swings from *hope* to *uncertainty* which causes obsessive thought.  Dorothy Tennov calls this the state of "limerance." Limerance is often brought into object relations theory as an infatuation for an object.

It's really about objectification of an object and what the object can do for you- but stay with me here and let me explain:

Mirroring reenacts childhood dynamics of Mother's gaze. That's when you <<feel>> most loved as an infant. Your tiny brain is growing quickly and very plastic and trying to make sense of the feelings from Mother's gaze. Our tiny brains sort out and file the feeling away where it remains until the adult brain can recall it at a later time.

When a BPD mirrors in order to attach to us, they reactivate this coda from childhood. When the BPD goes away they take with them the catalyst for the activation- and this creates a tremendous, obsessive desire for their return. Tennov calls this being in a state of limerance with the BPD being your "limerant object."

When your limerant object goes away with someone else- you obsess over the idea that you will never feel this way again *and* you maintain a vigil of hope balanced against uncertainty. The more hope, the less uncertainty. The more uncertainty, the less hope. You can see how this might create a OCD like thought process of obsessive evaluation. One can scan for clues by checking the daily barometer of the ex-partner's new relationship which only fuels the obsession. Facebook, google, etc. etc.

Comparing oneself to the new partner: are you greater than or less than? In your mind the answer gives you either hope or uncertainty and keeps you deep in the obsessive limerance toward the return of your limerant object.

Tennov did research on the many destructive tendencies of people in limerance. It's intrusive cognitive components, the obsessional quality that may feel voluntary but yet defies control are aspects of the state of limerance. Limerance is an involuntary state- so when well meaning friends and family tell you to *get over it* and just move on - they aren't addressing how to solve the infatuation that remains like a flu.

Most people suffering from limerance agreed that they might not have put so much energy into hope for their limerant object's return if they knew success was impossible from the start- but they couldn't be made to feel any other way until they realized that Borderlines LIVE in limerant FANTASY. That fantasy world is an escape and Borderlines use it to shirk personal responsibility. Limerance expects understanding (often in the form of an apology from the limerant object.) Again, this is fantasy. Do not hold out hope for one.

Realize that limerance is involuntary. It will only fade if you let hope fizzle for your limerant object's return and place a certain boundary that stops the uncertainty. Easier said than done, but necessary if you want to heal. Cry. Kick a Can. Feel terrible.  As Tennov writes: " Recognize too, that once the gates of your limerant object's mind are closed on someone else- and against you- the hope you need to fuel your own passion must run dry. With this recognition you may end your limerance and reconstruct your life."  Hope this helps.  

This gives me hope.  thank you... I think the key here for me is to not loose hope.

Please know one thing that none of is have wanted to hear, including myself, on the path to healing. You could not have done one thing to change the outcome. You did not cause this.

If anyone can direct me to a link to a book or a webpage that explains validation, invalidation and how it can trigger someone with ptsd it would be invaluable to me at this point.

So sorry that you are feeling so bad. I felt the same during the last two breaks with my uBPDxbf. It was awful and I was unable to function. It does get better. Have you tried mindfulness?


I have read some excellent explanation of how validation works by Alan E. Fruzetti, what is validating and what isn't validating, that helped me tremendously when I was still in a r/s with my uBPDxbf. Seriously, when I validated instead of allowing myself to be triggered I was able to defuse a situation in seconds. It was like a miracle tool.

Fruzetti has written The High Conflict Couple but I know I have read other books by him too but I can't remember right now and I couldn't find them in my book shelf. There are also some youtube clips to watch. Just google his name and validation. I'll try and find a link or the name of some other books.