BPDFamily.com

My boyfriend says really mean things to me somethings and I think Im learning to deal with it better and not take him so seriously when he does it ,  but I still feel that in one way or another  I have to set a boundary to him, to let him know that this is not ok.

                          I accidently missed something he said to me on chat and went on talking about my day not knowing this.  Me:   I missed one thing you said

HIM: Its not that, you wind me up though when you dont answer or aknowledge my comments

makes me think why bother carrying the convo'

you do it quite often but i rarely say anything

ME: What did I miss?

you rarely say anything

why

why not speak up

HIM: I do

i have in the past but

its done no good

lol

forget it

move on

Me: I have to go

talk to you later

HIM:next please

bfn

I have an issue with this because he has been the one winding me up. Seconds before this conversation he had me waiting for his reply for about 5 minutes.  He comes back and doesnt even apologize ,just says off the cuff that he was watching a video...   mean while Im sitting there waiting for his reply wondering if hes even there.  He does this alot... its gotten worse in the last 2 weeks.  And what bothers me aboiut this dialog is that I am all ways answering all his messages. I am all ways all over him when he doesnt feel good, giving him attention etc. I think honestly I miss another message about a week ago,  but it has never happened before then ever.  So what's up with him?  Is he in his own world?  Trying to create a reality for me that isnt true?

                         Why would he decide to use the word,  rarely say anything.? Why would he rarely say anything?  Make no sense to me at all.  He says he has said things to me about this in the past but its done no  good.   This  is a lie.  its like he gets in these really wierd twisted BPD moods where he just makes stuff like this up to make me feel bad. Like Im useless to talk to.   When the truth is, hes the one whose been rather useless.  If he wants to watch a video why contact me. and if he has something to say to me and I answer, why keep me waiting and waiting and waiting until he feels like answering.  This is crazy making. Any ideas on this kinndof behavior would be appreciated.      Thanks.     

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I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Unfortunately, it's the typical BPD behavior I have experienced.  That's the way he is going to be.  You just have to keep cool your emotions and know it isn't caused by you.  It's projection. 

I get caught in very similar scenarios.  Often I don't answer a text message for 5 minutes (gasp!)  She interprets this as me not caring.  And she can go on and on all day about negative stuff and how her life sucks.  She may not ask me a question - she just wants me to validate - simple listening is not good enough.  But if there is a 15 second pause after she is done talking and I have not validated, she will make a comment about how I don't care, I never say the right things, I am making her feel worse, etc, etc.  The only think I know to do is shrug it off.