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I know it won't solve the problem, but at least now we BOTH know that she has BPD.   I am struggling hard to get rid of FOG on the detachment phase to have her leave my apartment and ultimately, my life, but at least now she agrees that she has a problem and that she needs to be medicated.  Thats one step forward until the two steps back. 

I'm glad. No, a diagnosis doesn't solve everything. But what therapy might do is make her more aware of what it is that she's doing. My exgf had done a couple of years by the time I met her. In that time she learnt to control her impulses to some extent, but was definitely not cured. Her awareness of her disorder was very helpful, though, I think both for her and for her loved ones - it does help lift the FOG. When she was on medication she was massively more stable, too. (She went off it and then had the crisis which led me to this forum and to NC).

I think that this is three steps forward for you both :)

I know I don't want to stay in this r/s for nothing in the world.  I am just trying to have her more aware of the pain she causes to her surroundings and begin to truly work on herself.  I am trying to free my foot from this heavy ball and chain the best I can.

That is good... . good for her if she does something about it.

Just be wary of how the desire to help them "see" how they are can really just be a rope we use to hold onto them and remain stuck on them on the emotional level.

I love this. I always knew my ex was diagnosed BPD and I tried to help build her self esteem etc. but her trust issues were such that she always thought I was attacking her when I told her that she did have value. She only trusted her therapist on matters like that.