BPDFamily.com

So my BPDh is receiving and participating in treatment.  I am learning things about BPD and working on applying the lessons I am learning hear.

Slowly, things are improving.  Not in a straight line, we are both stumbling on our way.  But we are stumbling together.

Today we had a moment that shows we are both making progress and I just had to share with people who would understand why this seemingly normal life moment is something to celebrate.

BPDh is among the long-term unemployed.  As you can imagine, the constant rejection when applying for jobs is very invalidating.

Normal operating procedure on a day when he has an interview involves a lot of sensitive feelings and triggering on both sides and falling into a destructive pattern for both of us.  Today something amazing happened.

When the constant loud sighing started from his office (a sign that emotions are bubbling beneath the surface for him)  I remained calm and went about my work instead of running old tapes in my head of how awful today was going to be because he would end up freaking out because of the interview.  Not avoiding him, just going about my work (I work from home).  He would pop in and to talk briefly about what is going on today like this:

Him: I have that interview at 3p today.

Me:  Yes, this is with Company X, right?

Then he would head back to his office. Then later,

Him: I'm going to go shower and get ready for my interview.

Me: Ok

After he got ready he came into my office to ask if how he looked was all right and to tell me he was leaving.  I got up from behind my desk told him yes, he looked all right and gave him a sincere hug and kiss goodbye.  Then he looked me in the eye and

Him: I am feeling very nervous about this.

Me:  I am always nervous before a job interview.

Then I kissed and hugged him again and he went out the door.

I was stunned.  Did that just happen?  Yes, he correctly identified and appropriately expressed a negative emotion and I validated it pretty well.  This is a huge moment for us.  I know it is just one moment and we will continue to stumble but we're stumbling in the right direction.

|iiii :)

I am REALLY glad for both of you

Great stuff !

May God Bless even more improvement

:) :) :)

YAY for improvement 

Well done! |iiii

YEAH!  That is an improvement.  I certainly hope you can have more moments like that with him. 

We actually got to have to have some more real communication after he returned from the job interview.  And today after he returned from his psychiatrist appointment (dealing with medication adjustments, their side effects, and other physical problems).

These are two stressful things that previously would have blown our house up.  But this week we are able to walk through this together.

I just have to remember to keep working on the things I am learning here so I can help generate more good days.  I know they won't all be this way but seeing they are really possible gives me hope and a much needed boost to keep at it.

  |iiii :)

Awesome

Great news! |iiii

Thank you for posting this. It reminds me that this has been improvement in my own relationship, in particular the way were are, in the good moments, walking the path together. I will admit to checking into these boards when things go wrong, but it does help me to keep perspective.

Best of luck.