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Title: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: AlonelyOne on June 12, 2014, 05:33:07 PM I am very concerned about my eldest DD6 living with BPD S2BX. My DS4 I have some concern for, but a bit less. Where as I think my youngest DD3 would not do well without her mom.
Is it better to keep the children together (my initial instinct) or to separate out to those whom would be best for the child? Title: Re: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: Nope on June 12, 2014, 06:33:41 PM At those ages it is highly unlikely that a court would be willing to split them up.
Title: Re: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: ForeverDad on June 13, 2014, 09:38:13 AM Very, very rarely has a court split up the children in our cases and it's generally been a bad idea. Sorry, but life similar to the movies such as The Parent Trap isn't typical and especially not in high conflict cases.
Best to get as much time as possible with ALL the children on a regular basis in your own separate, calm, stable home. They will all be influenced by the ever-changing behaviors, chaos and world of their other parent. If you're thinking the youngest might do okay with a parent with BPD, it may not be that way when she's older. Issues between pwBPD and their children usually increase as the children grow older and want (normal) ever-increasing independence as they grow to become adults. Title: Re: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: AlonelyOne on June 16, 2014, 05:11:51 PM Youngest is strongly attached to mother. Eldest is strongly attached to me. Son is bounces around but still strong attachment to me.
Title: Re: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: mywifecrazy on June 16, 2014, 08:15:43 PM Don't even think about splitting them up. All your kids deserve as much time as they can get with the more STABLE parent... . YOU! I agree with Forever Dad. Put your focus on getting as much time as you can with all your kids.
Good Luck and be STRONG... . Your kids need you! Title: Re: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: livednlearned on June 17, 2014, 10:06:12 AM If anything, you want more time with the child who is bonded strongly with the mother. Alienation tends to go with these marriages/divorces, and an important part of the antidote is having enough time with each of the kids.
Title: Re: Children - Splitting or Together? Post by: ForeverDad on June 17, 2014, 10:28:56 AM If anything, you want more time with the child who is bonded strongly with the mother. Alienation tends to go with these marriages/divorces, and an important part of the antidote is having enough time with each of the kids. Besides alienation risks, there are parentification (child is treated as a parent or caregiver), spousification (child is treated as an emotional spouse replacement), etc. Evaluators and courts generally expect the children to have contact with both parents. If it is limited to less than usual minority time (alternate weekends and a visit in between) then there needs to be a good reason, maybe supervision, maybe parents live too far apart, etc. Remember too, the children have bonds with each other. You don't want them to feel separated from each other. Just about the only exception is when they're half-siblings where they share only one parent, but that's something that just is and we really don't have any control over parentage. All we have authority over is our children. |