BPDFamily.com

My friend and I are 51 yrs of age. We have been so close since we were 14. Through thick and thin as they say - I'm the ditzy one, she's the very sound stable one. We both married mama's boys who were smothered by controlling religious shaming/blaming mothers. We both separated and I am now divorced, she is in a double bind with $$ and living in a somewhat boyfriend's *porch* where her two teenaged sons visit from around the corner where the dad lives. The dad hijacked their mortgage/equity, losing it all in a horrible gamble - being a bank manager, he knew better, forged her signature. She found out by happenstance.

Her mother was unwell the last 5 or 6 yrs of her life and my friend was expected to drive an hour away and take her to appts, clean the pigsty house, etc. She was really slowly losing her mind, my friend was and we'd talk or email when we got the chance.

She has been there for me in my worst ever moments. And I was there for her in hers.  One of those friendships we both were so glad to possess.

She said to me earlier this year that she had found a pile of printed CHILD PORN in her father's house. Her mother had been dead about 6 months, she was there to attempt some sort of cleaning/sorting with him. He is 78. That was one of the most awful phone calls - she was not crying, she was just too stunned and sickened and basically said, "I hope he goes to jail, how could he?" They have never been close. Her relationship with him much like mine with mine - so this was just a blow to her, I could hear her misery.

She told me she would talk to her brothers about what to do. Her sister is a spoiled (by the late mother) head in the sand type even though older than the brothers. 

Accessing this murderous stuff and then printing it - how insane and twisted must he be?

So I kept in touch worried about her coping and maintaining sanity with two very resentful young sons  taking out their pain on her verbally, one almost physically.

She isn't doing anything lately but taking long bike treks with this man she lives with.  I finally called and said how are you doing? and then asked about her father.

Her comment was, "Oh he's good... . he's going back to church [he'd been an elder at a big Baptist church for years]."

I was dumbfounded.  Long story short... . I took one week... . thinking of how many children are being raped for these perverts' viewing pleasures, how many are KILLED by porn rings to keep the perverts safe. That week was asking myself how I would handle her eventually possibly knowing I called. And then I said, Well this is one week too long. SHE had a chance to make this right.   The agents that have called have asked me that too - am I prepared for any fallout with her about her father? you know what... . if that is the price i pay for this one person not being part of this vicious murderous stuff, fine.

Some Facebook meme was "do not push a loyal person past the point of not giving a damn." She has sons. Her one brother has several daughters. As a parent, you never duck and run. I am not in her shoes. But tough crap. She made me part of it telling me that he's printing this stuff out!

anyway- as an adult child of *phyical* and emotional and verbal abuse - my belly heaves to think of babies and kids being subjected to rape and filmed and then tossed out like garbage - to live? dumped where?

How would you have handled this? None of our friends in common know there is no point in that. My daughter that works for a lawyer backed me up totally. My son is in the military and had to deal with a fellow officer that was arrested for this - he wanted to tear the guy to pieces.

The last update I had was from a female agent down where her father lives 2 weeks ago, saying that they were probably going to pay him a visit.

I asked myself if I was making these calls about him as some sort of payback for my own parents' awful abuse. I am hoping it was all about these kids. All I know is it has to stop.

Sounds like it is out of your hands now. You did the right thing. It's tough knowing someone that long and balancing loyalty with morality, but in reality this has nothing to do with your friendship with her.

As hard as it is to potentially lose a friend, you did the right thing. You had the best interests of children in your heart and mind when you did this and that is always right. What if they find that this pervert did this to his own children? You would be sick at heart knowing you could have done something. And as for him going back to church? That is magical thinking on her part. If church attendance solved all the problems, this board wouldn't be here.  Hugs to you.

It sounds like you made a decision that you felt was best. Maybe you don't have to be more involved than that. Can you let the investigators take things from here, without being attached to the outcome?