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Title: what should I think of this extreme mirroring ? Post by: lemon flower on June 17, 2014, 04:04:23 AM I have a small collection of textmessages that I received from my BP-friend/ex-sweetheart which I saved because some of them are just worth keeping :)
yesterday I received this very lovely but confusing message: you're a super girl but try to believe in yourself. I wish I could help you to build a better selfesteem. I love you and I want you to be happy. I want to let you know that you are precious to me and you can count on me. I am not aiming to renew a romantic r/s with you. But I wish for you to meet a new partner who's better to you than I was. out of love for you. you're too nice for this world x sweet dreams x If I were a teacher and I had to ask my students to analyse this small text and generate a list of BPD-aspects out of this it would be fun :) but I am a bit confused about the extremity of the mirroring in this particular message... . he thinks I am the one who has no self-confidence ? he wants to help me to built a better selfesteem ? he will always be there for me and I can always count on him ? lol he wishes me to find a new lover who is better than him ? (usually he shouts out that his biggest fear is that my next boyfriend would be "better" than him... . ) there's two things that bother me in this message: 1. why does he think I have no selfesteem ? I know that I have my worries and uncertainties and I do talk about it sometimes but I can't imagine that I did anything lately that would underline this 2. if he starts to send me this kind of messages what does it say about him? is this a further step into a new dysregulation cycle ? (the kind that will end with an overload of textings in which I am an awful selfish b___ who is ruining his life even more) I notice he sends me this kind of messages more often shortly after we've met eachother, which makes me wonder wether meeting me maybe makes him disregulate stronger afterwards ? Title: Re: what should I think of this extreme mirroring ? Post by: nothing on June 17, 2014, 06:06:06 PM I think he wants you to have no self esteem. Anyone with no self esteem would run right back to him. If you go back the things he will say will erode your self esteem anyway.
The way he writes makes it seem like you have all the problems. It is more his problems projected on to you. If he wrote it about himself it would go like this I wish I could believe in myself I wish I had better self esteem I hate myself and want your company even though I will make you unhappy I am garbage and you can never count on me I want to renew our r/s with you I do not want you to ever find anyone because anyone would be better than me out of my own insecurity I am not nice to you or this world think of me positively and dream about me because I need you to need me that is how I hook you Title: Re: what should I think of this extreme mirroring ? Post by: lemon flower on June 18, 2014, 03:38:39 AM I think he wants you to have no self esteem. Anyone with no self esteem would run right back to him. If you go back the things he will say will erode your self esteem anyway. The way he writes makes it seem like you have all the problems. It is more his problems projected on to you. you're right, what he does is PROJECTING, rather than mirroring, I sometimes get confused with the exact meaning of mirroring still I wonder what makes him do this, and what goes on in his head to make him so sure that his problems are mine... . Title: Re: what should I think of this extreme mirroring ? Post by: empathic on June 19, 2014, 06:18:48 AM Over the years I've experienced a few times when my uBPDw has gotten sentimental and has said similar things, but it's been _very_ rare. It's like a "flash of clarity" where it feels like a connection could be made, but it disappears just as fast unfortunately. I don't know what triggers it, but I have learnt that in my case it means nothing really... .
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