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Title: Im NVE Post by: Chapter8 on June 17, 2014, 06:17:28 AM It must be a weekly thing for my partner to ask me to leave, he asks that before anything else! This week its because of my friends life choices, that they are making the wrong ones! They are, but its not my place to say nor is it his, he seems to think that it is his place to say, he has only met them once!
All that matters are our life choices! Everytime he asks me to leave, he breaks a bit of my heart ……. the doubt is far to much to cope with, being told I'm rubbish, useless, he can't cope with me, I'm the devil etc….its all getting to much for me! I live in fear that he is going to ask me to leave and totally mean it, why wouldn't he, everything else he does is so irrational! Im in a bad place at the moment, we have just got over my birthday which was his worst nightmare, it actually went amazing, but for a week building up to it, I had terrible anxiety, which I never get! hearing the words, Im going to fall out of love with you, the process is already started and then waking up to him calling my name followed by I WANT YOU TO LEAVE, I WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO END! I feel sick with fear….im committed loyal and extremely loving to him, but its never good enough! Title: Re: Im NVE Post by: thicker skin on June 17, 2014, 03:28:28 PM I'm right with you, in the same boat, rowing against the same tide.
Today, I'm required to leave, again, for the umpteenth time. It used to hurt me very much, I'm sadly used to it now. Just about anything can trigger him, from me laughing on the phone to just disagreeing with him. It makes relaxing very hard. How do you kick back and chill out, when one wrong move means dumped? My friends are awful too. They aren't really, but in his mind, they're terrible people. I tend to feel it's up to them his they live their lives, they're adults and it's none if my business. What I do counts, not the world at large. Those are my boundaries and respect for other peoples choices at work. I don't feel the need to condemn and judge others. I've done 23 years of him using the relationship to control me. I barely react now. I've packed and left twice because he "really meant it" and then didn't when I set up on my own. The more committed I am, the more he does it oddly enough. I'm normally told to sleep with other people, move in with a, b or c and let him live his life in peace. By peace, he means don't trigger him, have any needs or be human. The names are horrid. The way they switch so suddenly creates the anxiety. I'm never too sure what I'm going to do wrong next. Are you brave enough to call his bluff and accept his termination? |