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Well, tomorrow I leave the UK to work abroad for at least 4 months.

I feel upbeat today. Hope fills my heart and my spirit feels lighter.

I have reflected on the last 4 months. I came back to the UK in February with so much hope in my heart. I had a new love and what seemed like open skies, a blank page to fill in with shared dreams and limited possibilities. It seemed as if life had completely fallen into place. I had such deep feelings for someone who I believed was my soul mate... . someone who wanted to have children with me, who shared those same dreams, who loved me as much in return. I thanked God for this gift and was floating on cloud 9.

Long story short, after 6 weeks, those dreams started to fall apart dramatically. The hysterical disintegration of my relationship with my ex was traumatic. Her disorder went full blown and I was subjected to the worst kind of abuse I have ever experienced. I was in a confused daze. I could not join the dots between the exquisite highs and devastating lows. This brought me to my knees.

In the last couple of months I have committed to the process of detachment, grieving and healing. It has been grueling and dreadfully painful. at times I could not imagine ever feeling peaceful again. depression, anxiety and heartache paralysed me. I felt hopeless.

I give myself credit for for ending and walking away from such a toxic relationship despite the abuse, coercion and manipulation. I stood my ground and kept my dignity and upheld my morals and standards. I hung in when the going got crazy

I cut her out of my life with no reservations. I reclaimed my power.

Thanks to everyone on this forum, my family and friends and new friends I met along the way I have had immense support and I've been able to heal and deal with the trauma of the r/s and also look honestly at my own stuff. This is work in progress.

It is a relief to know that I will be in another country from tomorrow. I will be even further away from my ex now. There is no need for us ever to have any contact. I thought of reaching out to her to say goodbye but decided against it. This cycle is closed now, the kindest and most loving thing for me to do is to stay away. The pain is still there but it is softer now. I don't feel the same dread and shame when I think of her. In time, I will look back and know that this was one of my greatest lessons. I will try my very best not to make the mistake of ignoring red flags and my intuition , of bending myself out of shape to rescue another person and to sell myself short again.

I will still stay close to this BPD family that backed me up when I was in bits.

Thank You

Onwards and Upwards

Peace and Blessin's  :)

Good luck.   The journey continues.  I hope you keep your recovery progressing as well.  I had to realize that the reason I became so enmeshed into the Disorder, is because I invited it into my life.   

There are pwBPD everywhere.  They won't be entering my intimate circle again.

lion fire. i am leaving too in a week to another country. it will be a bliss for me not to look around on every corner of the street fearing that i would bump into her.i also decided against saying goodbye even for the last time. i have some uncertainty about the future and career in the new country but i am trying to be positive. I still think about her as i have a lot of free time now but i hope i will get busy with my new job and settling. have a safe trip :)

Wishing you all the best, lionfire.  It's a new beginning.   And you've earned it.

Your friend,

LG14

Best of luck Lion Fire! Glad to know you are feeling strong! I've blabbed all over this forum about what a great experience I think moving countries can be... . But I think it can be awesome for your self confidence and for putting your relationship out of sight and out of mind.

Congratulations on the job... . Keep us posted on how you're getting on :)