BPDFamily.com

I don't even know where to start. My dear fiance finally got his day in court after four years of fighting for his parenting rights. The kid's BPD mom had zero evidence of anything she was saying and had nobody to testify for her. We had a binder full of hard evidence, and recordings of her losing it at DF over the phone, including once in front of the kids. We also had teachers, the GAL, and BPD mom's own mother testifying that the kids should live with DF. So I'm pretty well convinced that if we don't get them then there is literally no situation in which we could have possibly gotten them. (For those not following, we live three states away from BPD mom so this move is a big deal.)

I spent quite a bit of time on the stand myself. BPD mom's L was obviously more trained in criminal defense than in family law. She presented her case as though all she had to do was create reasonable doubt that the things we were saying hadn't happened even if the evidence showed that it did. Also apparently beating me up on the stand seemed to her to be a productive use of time.    Oh well, it certainly satisfied her client's desire to hate on me. Too bad for her that I'm just the step-mom-to-be and it didn't do anything for her case and used up a ton of time. She actually did have one witness to call but used up too much time bullying other people and never got to call him.

Our L said she's never seen a hearing like ours and she's been practicing a long time. She's optimistic enough to say that if we don't get the kids she will do the appeal for free. I know no matter what happens there is going to be an appeal process, as the BPD mom isn't going to give up that quickly. So we are keeping our fingers crossed for a good outcome. But we don't even know how long we'll be waiting for an answer.

Then just this morning the BPD sent DF a text telling him not to make any appointments for the kids over his summer parenting time because she's already made them appointments for when they'll be going back.  (A less than subtle hint that she is fully expected that we lost and that the kids *will* be going back.)

I guess it's different where I am -- I can't believe you have to wait! How agonizing to go through that, and then not know how the judge will rule.

I have found it's so hard to tell from the hearing how things will land. My judge practically cooed at N/BPDx, but then ruled in my favor. He would lecture me about how to transfer DMV titles appropriately even though N/BPDx was the one who hadn't done anything, and then find him in contempt of court. I never could figure it out.

Did you feel your L did a good job?

Is it shared custody now?  If so, then dad may be able to make appointments on his time anyway.

Were any interim orders made?

I'm thinking and hoping that a positive decision will be issued well before time to enroll the children in your schools.  In my case the decision was issued 10 weeks after the hearings (I recall my court's official limit was just 60 days) and then not 'final' until another 2 weeks passed before the court confirmed the 10 day objection period had ended without objections.  However, my case did not have the pressure of time - two months before the next school year begins - that mine had so I'm hoping it's much sooner for you.

What I did in my case when I wanted to confirm something from the testimony, I afterward went back to court and asked for recordings of the record from the bailiff.  I got them, hours and hours.  I brought a blank CD just in case and they downloaded to it or my flash drive.

Side note: When going to a dentist, if there are any teeth with 'developing' or early decay that haven't yet impacted the tooth structure, there is a fairly new treatment (since at least 2010 when my son got it) called ICON that leeches out the decay and fills it in with a resin to stabilize the area.  Do it and forget, never needs replacing like fillings do.  It's a little cheaper than drilling & filling too, but so far few dentists use it because it doesn't have insurance billing codes yet and therefore after insurance adjustments it ends up being more expensive.  Duh, you'd think the dental association would jump on a new and permanent method to halt caries and get the insurance billing codes added, wouldn't you?  Can you tell it's one of my pet peeves?

LandL - I think she did a good job. Her main concern was getting the exhibits in. She asked the right questions and wasted very little time on cross examination because she doesn't feel that's how cases are won in family court. Especially when there is a lot of actual evidence. She didn't even get the chance to cross the BPD mom at all because we ran out of time. She wasn't worried about it because she knows all the BPD mom does is lie and ignore the facts anyway. It was really the GAL who carried the day. She made it clear that she feels the BPD mom shouldn't have anything but some visitation and that is all. She also feels that BPD mom's visitation with the "all bad" child should be minimal. So if GALs tend to get what they want... .

FD - it is 50/50 custody but 80/20 parenting time due to distance. It doesn't matter that she doesn't want DF making appointments, the point is that she was looking to rub it in our face that she already thinks she won. Would you all be mad at us if we do get the kids and we wrote her back (after the appeal period) saying, "I guess you'll have to cancel those dentist appointments now."? J/k... . mostly.

No interim orders were made. They ran out of time so Contempt and CS weren't heard and will have to be heard at a later date. The kids have an in camera with the magistrate prior to coming to us for the summer. We only have them for six weeks and if we have to return them prior to getting an answer that would be the worst thing for the kids. But this magistrate seems very aware of the summer situation so we are hopeful.