BPDFamily.com

We know that very often what BPDs do or tell us is totally incomprehensible for the rest of mortals, thus I have thought that it would be interesting, relieving and somehow funny to write here some of the most ridiculous things that they have told (or done) to us. Here is one of mine:

I had learnt her language time before meeting each other for the first time because I loved her country (It was in one of my visits there that we met). From the very beginning it was evident that she didn't like her native language (she associates it with her mother), thus we never spoke it at home and she discouraged me from keep on learning it. Finally I (almost) lost it. No problem. Interestingly, during that period of discouragement to pursue with her language, I said that I would like to learn X language and to be fluent and speak it in an every day basis, to that she asked,

She:What about my language? Wouldn't you like to speak it everyday?

Me:Why so? You don't want to speak it, you don't like it, you stops me any time I try to speak it.

She:Yes, but it is my language. It would prove that you love me

Me:

Once we had to be in her country for a couple of months in order to apply for some documents and there came the funny thing. The story was something like this:

Day 1:

She: Why don't you speak when my family are here?

Me: I cannot understand them and I am not fluent in your language any longer.

She: So, say anything. Your manners are terrible. You are so rude!

Me: So, what should I say when I cannot follow the conversation? When I cannot understand the questions? Discussing about the weather?

She: Talk about the weather, about anything, but talk!

Day 2:

After a meal with her family during which I made some comments (when I knew my comment was related to the conversation)

She: Stop speaking if you don't understand! Everybody things that you are saying nonsense!

Me: I tried my best in your language so not to look rude.

She: If you can't understand the language, don't speak! You look stupid and people are confused by your comments.

Me: But you told me to speak no matter what. Anyway, they answered to my questions and I answered to theirs.

She: Me? How could I say so?

Me: So, should I speak or not?

She: Not, because you don't speak the language.

Me: Fine

Aftermath: I keep on studying her language and I am fluent (again). I go shopping, I apply for official documents, I watch films, I have my friends (very few yet) in her country... . Anyway, when she is with me I cannot speak that language, but I don't even try.

It's the no win situation game that I know very well :)

We took a trip to Florida where I paid every dime of the trip.

We went for groceries for the condo where he asked what type of bacon I preferred, I kept telling he it doesn't matter. It was what he wanted and  I felt he should pick it. He got so agitated that he propped himself on the counter at the store with his arms crossed like a child and his nose in the air and refused to move or speak till I got the bacon!

He then continued to harass me in the store about choosing food , when I would he would make negative comments about my suggestions.

Finally he was at one side of the store and I was on the other choosing items. When he came back around to the buggy I proudly  pointed out the stuff I picked out, (to show him I was the big girl he wanted me to be  )

He looked over in the buggy and said it was ALL JUNK. I smiled and said but I did what you asked. He then looked in the buggy again and said 'I don't put my stuff in the buggy like that"

I sighed ((sighhhh)) knowing I would never get it right.

And then it happened!

He started jumping up and down in the store flaring his arms above his head ,mocking  me by saying... WOW! He said my stuff was junk, WOW! he said my buggy was a mess, what am I going to doo! Oh Lord I just can't take him! ALL THIS WAS WHAT HE WAS SAYING  for God and everybody to hear in that store!

Yes I was embarrassed of him but not near as embarrassed FOR him. In one quick swoop I turned and walked right out the door and left him and my jumbled mess of a buggy full of junk that I was paying for standing there!

I try to focus on what he looked and sounded like that day to get past this mess. He was a miserable toad.

Fun, but in the same way, sad.

I think most stories will revolve around the no-win or the holes they dig for themselves.

Food is a big one.  She doesn't wan to cook, so I will cook, then she complains I cooked it wrong.  Same goes for restaurants.  She wants to go out to eat, but can't tell me where.  So, if I pick a place, it's the wrong place.  The other day, I was sautéing some bok choy.  I sautéed with garlic, and added a tablespoon of soy sauce.  She said "I wished you would have told me you were adding soy sauce.  Now I just won't eat it."  She sat down at the table and started crying.  When it was done, she asked to taste it.  She then asked for more, and then Monday she told me that she really liked it. This after giving me grief about ruining it before she even tasted it. 

Monday, she was starving when we went to therapy because she had "forgotten to eat".  After therapy, she said she felt like eating at the nearby buffet.  She then half jokingly gave me grief when I drove past it.  I reminded her that I don't want to eat somewhere unhealthy and have her telling me she feels ashamed of herself afterwards.  She assured me she would not do that.  She insisted on a buffet, and said she wanted to go to a Chinese food buffet.  So we went.  Afterwards, she declared it disgusting and that I should stop her from ever eating like that again.  She said she felt like making herself throw up. 

Last night she was at an AA meeting when I got home from work.  She said she feels guilty when I cook, and I was not in the mood to cook, so I just waited until she got done.  She called when she was leaving, declared herself starving, and asked what I wanted to do about dinner.  I wished she would just make up her mind sometimes.  I said we could just steam some veggies and potatoes, she declared herself too starving for that.  So I said we can go out.  Then she said she is worried about money, so I then suggested we just eat at home.  She declared herself staving again and got frustrated that *I* could not make up my mind.  I said "ok, let's go out."  She then asked, "Are you sure?  I'm worried about money." GRR!  After dinner, she said, "we should have just stayed home and eaten the food we have."

Man I have so many flowing through my head not sure to pick one... . Its all from her talent of face reading to actually no matter how big or how small if she makes a mistake or gets embarrassed its turned toward me in the most warped crooked way you can ever think of... . Then as Doc Jones was saying mine goes to the point of talking British just to be separate from her mom(and to get on her nerves cuz her mom hates it)and we are in southern Indiana where we talk no where near proper English lol...