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Title: Bad dreams Post by: purplicious on June 19, 2014, 12:02:16 AM My SO dBPDgf has vivid dreams of me cheating on her. When she wakes up she is very angry. What can I do. I try and reassure her that it was a dream and that I am not cheating on her, but she responds with "I only have these dreams when my SO is cheating on me." I have never and will never cheat on her. Any advice is appreciated.
Title: Re: Bad dreams Post by: an0ught on June 19, 2014, 11:35:15 AM Hi purplicious,
My SO dBPDgf has vivid dreams of me cheating on her. When she wakes up she is very angry. What can I do. I try and reassure her that it was a dream and that I am not cheating on her, but she responds with "I only have these dreams when my SO is cheating on me." I have never and will never cheat on her. Any advice is appreciated. please read up on validation. The challenge for us is when faced with such allegations not to fall into the JADE trap: J - justify A - argue D - defend E - explain Generally JADE is invalidating and that simply means that whatever emotions is behind her worries it will be amplified. Right now you are making it worse. What is needed is validating communication i.e. active listening to her concerns, not belittling them or trying to explain them away. You may be affronted by her dreams but for her when she awakes her emotions are very real - almost facts. And only she herself can reign them in and that will only happen once she has truly processed these - negative - emotions. Telling her something along the lines - fearing being betrayed is scary - it looks like right now she is not being able to fully trust you - asking whether she was cheated on before - not knowing whether the relationship will last can be scary but is human. all may be validating her fear of abandonment. Title: Re: Bad dreams Post by: purplicious on June 19, 2014, 02:34:30 PM She has been cheated on many times. I dont believe she will ever trust me. No matter what I do I am wrong or not helping build trust. Every other day we are fighting. I have been reading the lessons. There is just soo much information. I just dont know how to start.
Title: Re: Bad dreams Post by: formflier on June 19, 2014, 03:46:33 PM She has been cheated on many times. I dont believe she will ever trust me. No matter what I do I am wrong or not helping build trust. Every other day we are fighting. I have been reading the lessons. There is just soo much information. I just dont know how to start. Hang in there... . yes it feels like too much information. But it will get better. I'll try to come back later and give some pointers... . or focus your study. It will help... . |