BPDFamily.com

Three months ago, my BPD exgf initiated NC. Last week, she sent me a text saying she'd found some of my belongings in her stuff and didn't have room to keep them, so she needed me to pick them up ASAP. When I didn't answer the text, she called twice and left a voicemail saying (angrily) that she'd throw everything out if I didn't, at the very least, get in touch with her. I texted her and told her my brother could pick the stuff up from her; she said that was fine. He had already planned to drive up to where she lives (it's where my family used to live), so it wasn't a big deal. Then she let me know that she didn't live there anymore; rather, she moved to the city where I am now.

So, shaken though I was by her move, I told her my brother could meet her locally, and that I'd let her know when he told me what day was best for him. A few days passed, and I heard nothing more from her, thankfully. I talked to my brother, and he said any day was good for him, so I texted my ex with that info. She asked why my brother would be meeting her, and not me. I told her I'm not living in the area; she asked where I was. I said, "All over the place," trying to deflect, and she said, "Well, I can wait. I don't want to see your brother, I want to see you." And then questions. About me, about my dog, etc. Trying to be all friendly. When I didn't answer, she said, "Well, I guess you're not in the mood to chat," which is just typical of her, preying on my kindness. I hate dishonesty, and I hate being unkind, even if someone deserves it... . but I can't communicate with her. Just knowing she's living nearby is bad enough. I'm getting stronger every day, but I can't handle seeing her; I'm not sufficiently confident in my ability to say no if she tries to instigate something further.

I guess I'm just looking for advice... . I have no clue what to do here. I've been losing my mind since she first got back into contact with me, and I can't concentrate on anything. I really wish she'd never contacted me in the first place; I was good thinking she was with some new guy and playing out the Borderline crap on some other poor sap.

How important is the stuff to you?  If you don't know already (which probably means you are not missing anything critical), ask her if you think whatever she has of yours is worth retrieving.  Otherwise cut your losses and don't play her game.

Since it is now affecting your health and peace of mind, if it isn't any really important items just ignore her.

I would also be inclined to say that you could just make do without getting your belongings back from her.  Do you even know what they are exactly?

Perhaps this is all much ado about nothing, in terms of what these things are.  Could just be a pair of old socks and a paperback novel, for all you know, and she might be making it sound like it's really essential stuff, family heirlooms and the like... .

I would say be quite boring in your response to her attempts to reconnect, perhaps invite her to donate the items to a charity instead!

Good luck.