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You know in the movie or tv show or whatever.  Where the gangster boss has that hot seductive wife that seduces the protagonist and wants him to save her.   Well that's my ex deep down.  Deep down she's about as gangsta as they come at the core.  When she gets too close even the narcissists run for cover because she will consume them.

I broke NC.  I texted her "U one of the most gangsta mutha f***** I ever met. for real"

She texted back "LMFAO" 

she knows it.  They know it.  They know it deep down that they are gangsta like that.  They play dumb but they are aware.  The gangsta protects the little girl.  Like in the movie with the gangstas wife wanting to be saved.  That's the little girl reaching out to us. Then when we get too close the gangsta comes out to destroy us. To see if we are more gangsta than them if we are worthy to protect the little girl.  At the same time I don't think they understand the dynamic fully in real time consciousness. If I put together the things my ex has liked on social media it would say she is fully aware though.

It's like that last scene in the season 4 finale of game of thrones with aria stark. (SPOILER ALERT)  Where the hound thinks hes protecting her and even he is a ruthless killer.  In the end though he just got played and aria shows shes the real gangsta.  That's the Borderline.  Now Aria is off to Bravos to train to be an assassin who wears multiple masks and can change them like a chameleon.

What your saying seems to make sense. My ex's protector though is more like a Kunoichi.

After reading many posts, I think I may have some narcissistic tendencies. My ex is uBPD and definitely hates the parts of ME he thinks are gangster. He was always the more emotional, fragile "girl" in the relationship and he knew it. If I would have been less gangster I think it would have made him happier but I could never give him what he wanted "yes you're right" "sure it was my fault" none of that.

i think my ex *thinks* she is. she gets a lot from her looks, which to be fair, she doesn't really play up that much (she's not really an overt attention seeker), but still people notice. i overestimated her power though. what she's done since we were over is nothing special. although i hated the prospect of it, it was a gift i met her next bf when he helped her move out. i was shocked. i thought the guy was going to be brad pit or something... . once i saw him i felt sorry for him because i knew he was just starry eyed and not used to someone of her outward attractiveness. she crushed that guy in 4 months for another guy that (her roomate says) reminded her of me. i honestly thought to myself "do you realize, with your ability to deceive like that that you could do waaaaay better?" i stopped contact a while ago, but until that point she seemed to target overly-loving, overly 'nice' guys. the nicer they were the faster she would throw them away. i'm nice too, but i don't think i even started talking about commitment when we first started seeing each other until around month 5 or 6, whereas these guys jumped in within a few days/weeks and she was done with them by then. i don't know man, she got me too eventually, but really she's not so gangsta to me :) i think about it, and if i was that desperate for "love" and willing to lie and betray to get it; subsequently to cheat and hurt to end it when i was bored, it wouldn't be that difficult to do. i mean, it would be incredibly difficult in the sense that i could never ever consciously do this to someone. or to myself. but what i'm saying is that i don't put too much stock in any 'power' she has any more after seeing the fruits of her labors...