BPDFamily.com

I wonder whether anyone has a take on this because I've noticed this... . quite a lot.

If someone gets involved with a BPD, after the failing of that relationship they go for a covert narc. I'm not sure whether anyones is up on covert narc's but they are like sheep in wolfs clothing not the obvious type of Narc. You need to be in a relationship (maybe if your in experienced a long one) with them to see it.

They will look like they care to a degree but only the minimal amount to gain the supply they need; but no empathy etc, etc.

After a BPD perhaps the NPD seem normalish to begin with because they have hidden they BS so well... . and seem very calm on the exterior, maybe even laid back? Anyone any experience of this?

It's just I made this mistake myself and have seen it in others. They are very cunning with no soul whatsoever and full of BS.

Maybe its just the comparison to the BPD, it sort of sets you up for it... . because you are looking for the opposing type of character, someone who seems stable. ha, thats a joke isn't it.

Blow, this is on the wrong board I think!

My Bro is a covert Narc   and I would agree with your assessment. Hey I've not heard of another real life covert narc. It's like being on a desert island and finding footsteps in the sand.

So I'm guessing you dated a covert narc. Could this be due to the similarities? They are both dysfunctional with a lot of self doubt. Both are poor at managing stress. I know my two are both often annoyed, jealous and angry most of the time (bless). But you're right that one is calm and the other anxious. As for who dates my covert narc bro – he’s never had a girl friend  lol, which is nature’s way of ensuring his sort of nonsense stop there. I read that a BPD would win over a covert narc - and that is true for my two.

Covert narcs are often described as the deadliest of the Narc family, in that they hid their evil ways so well  . Their attacks are often covert and often undetected. I can't think of any redeeming qualities to my bro - he's pure evil  . He kicked me out of a moving car once. But my BPDm has redeeming qualities. Keep me posted about any other sightings of a covert narc - you get double points for seeing them.

Hi HappyChappy...

Thanks for getting back... . really interesting to hear your take. Well hard to be sure with him but I reckon i'm pretty close to good description. I know what you mean about similarities to BPD actually, yes I suppose they are inherently insecure, dysfunctional. The one I knew didn't have self doubt I could tell on surface (had the typical false sense of self BS) but likely he didn't know who he really was so maybe thats what you mean by self doubt. Yes bad with stress, v jealous but didn't show that and quick to anger.

You make me laugh, natures way ... . brilliant. Oh, good point who would win over BPD or cov narc... . I hadn't thought of this but I think I agree as long as the cov narc is getting their needs met and is not called out of their controlling behaviour. Maybe that mix would work, I remember reading about this years ago that BPD and narc are a typical combo.

Yep agree here, cov NPD... . deadliest could well be. It's a big game of winning with everything planned out, must be exhausting but comes natural to them. Same here no redeeming qualities. I would say for me maybe a bit of ASPD thrown in for good measure too.

Truly sorry to hear you have come to know one and been on the rough end, that was a hideous thing to do. Sounds typical of a rage situation. Its great again to know of someone like yourself that has worked this out, got some clarity and can pursue a decent life  .

ok... . so double points... . not,yippee... . my step mom is one, great when they're in the family isn't it .