BPDFamily.com

I've been reading a lot of stories on here and it seems like we are all the one person that the exBPD comes running to when they need "recycling". Is that usually the case? Or do they pretty much run back to all their ex's?

If we are "the one," what makes us so special? Is it that we're the ones they felt the closest to? Or are we the ones that seem to care the most? Or are we just the ones that haven't successfully completely blocked them out of our lives yet?

I would say it has to do with the emotional connection more than anything. For me I was always there for her to talk to her and spend time with her so much that it completely wore me down. She noticed this and left. We are recycling right now but I don't even know what to call it. I guess you can say we are together but I don't trust her at all and she lives 45 minutes away. I work during the week and she works weekends so we never see eachother. She barely initiates any conversation we talk about twice a day for a couple minutes and rarely text. I feel like she is keeping me around for her innocence factor because I am a very nice guy and she knows everything is her fault. But I have a lot better understanding of BPD now and I am ready for anything that is going to happen.

For me it is simple. I was very involved with her family. All of her friends were my friends. She was basically all alone after replacing me. I know she recycled me for her own sake of forgiveness between all parties included. I don't believe she loves me because she doesn't know what love is. For her it's a person willing to put up with her bs and I was/am that guy.

And from your username and last story I read I would say our relationship was the same. I started keeping a journal of numerous things.

-times she is at work and times she calls or texts.

-what is said in texts or calls

-time of response

-what she says she is doing

-how she seems to feel during certain times or conversations

For me the hardest thing is constaintly thinking if she is lying. So writing things down and looking at them is a great tool for me. She used to be the hermit sit there and do nothing type and wait for me to come to her. Now 2 months after recycling me I have never seen her happier and more outgoing and motivated. It's exactly like she was while I was split black. So I am pretty much just waiting for her to leave me again at this point. I don't was any threats or lies spread about me so I'm being very cautious.

In my very humble opinion, pure opinion, I think that the ex who get recycled the most is the one deepest in the FOG, with the least sense of self,  least sense of boundaries, and most enmeshed in the Disorder.

I was recycled numerous times, but when I figured out she was cheating on me at the same time, then my boundaries were finally hit.  And when I wouldn't move forward without accountability and responsibility from my ex, she painted me black and moved on, and I don't think I will hear from her for a long while, because she knows that I will still demand what she can not give.  

I will demand from her an adult response in both language and action to her behavior.  She's not capable of taking responsibility.  And she knows that's my boundary now.  So no more recycle.

For someone with the Disorder, why would she ever stop keeping me on the back burner and recycling me when convenient.  As long as I'm a willing participant, she will reattach and flee when she wants.   It take two to recycle.

I needed to totally come clean about the concept of deepest connection bullsh-t, for me.  She can't have any real connections.   She came to me because I was willing to take her back.  I was the biggest chump on the block, or more compassionately, deepest in the FOG.  But connection?  My exgfwBPD does not have the capacity for adult emotional connection or relationships.

We never had a deep connection.  If it was so deep, how could be it left behind without hesitation, regret, remorse or afterthought?

I need to detach from the fantasy of the deep connection, true love, soulmate, bonded... . and realize it was just the Disorder.

I've now had the privilege of watching my ex work his way through a small group of deeply or quasi addicted exes including me for several years, reaching for us in sequence when he bottoms out with one of the group or a new woman. What I've learned is that if one of us says no (that's been me a couple of times--I had boundaries that weren't worth the trouble for him given that there were other candidates), he rapidly moves along to the next. But then of course he has a very very persuasive story about how she is the one. Two other women in his loop just now have given him multiple second chances and are still around for more.

He's tried me too but I no longer think it's because he is moved by our amazing love. He's trying me because for a long time I was a very reliable source of affirmation and warmth for him. (Some things have happened since that have changed that for me.)

Whoever takes the bait stays hooked.

I totally agree with this!  The thing is when you are this person to her she will talk so much crap behind your back it is ridiculous. You have covered for her the nice guy white night... . So she will have a few narcs, on the side... . another back up... . whitenight... . and a few friendzoned wierdos with confidence issues.

Wow... . my eyes have totally been opened since I found this message board 5 days ago, which was also day after my exgfwBPD contacted me after 3 months of NC.

It was no coincidence she broke up with her BF that day (and then got back together with him the next) also.