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For me, the hardest part is when he gets so damn sure that I am out to get him. And I think he knows that, so when he rages, he "punches" me there. That, and saying awful things about my daughters,  who he is certain are out to destroy our relationship.  Truth be told, me choosing him has damaged my relationships with them. Thankfully, they do their best to accept it, even when he lashes out at them.

We just returned from a trip to visit his daughter, who is 21. He hasn't seen her since she was 7. It was a wonderful visit, until we returned home and our electricity was turned off, due to a late payment.  I won't Bore  you with the details.  Suffice it to say we have communication issues that kept me from reminding him of what could have solved the money problem, and now he screams that I did this on purpose to ruin his trip, and he says he needs an exit strategy. In a day or two he will have forgotten that, if patterns hold true.

We are supposed to start working with a couples therapist soon, at the center where we are both learning DBT in skills groups.  He sees a therapist twice a week as well. He wants to get better,  and he IS working on it, but then sometimes he resents me because I am healthier and sees my desire to be his partner in his growth as me acting superior.

The thing that scares me most is how he knows so well how to go for the jugular. I can be SO strong. but he knows my weak points.  Everything I read and hear about DBT and BPD tells me things really can get better. He's in a great place to get help. I am strong, and being with him has made me stronger. I am realistic;  I understand that better will not be CURED, just less frequent dips on the roller coaster of life. And I hope that someday my daughters will see enough good happen to validate my decision to be with him in their eyes. I believe firmly that God calls me to be in this because I am the kind of partner Kevin needs. And truly this relationship has strengthened and reinforced my own emotional health and growth.

Thank God for lorazepam for the moments it gets overwhelming!  I am so glad to have found a place here for support. I am going to read the success stories thread, because I really need to know it does happen! 

May God Bless

Our BPD's do need our support

You at least have a realistic expectation on this, what you are experiencing is normal. The hurt and pain that this causes you can only be addressed by learning how to not let it effect you rather than by hoping he will get better.

Yes a pwBPD will go for your weak spot, you will rarely be immune to that but you can learn how to not let it cut as deep nor last as long. most importantly is to learn not to react,m as that leads to counter reaction and escalation, thereby a means he can projict hostilities onto you and it being your fault. As you become embroiled in conflict which has nothing to do with the original issue. Resentment builds in you, and it becomes a validating means of self soothing for him, and nothing gets better.

Things can get better, even without the mechanics of BPD thinking being removed. It is a slow and evolving process. Watch very closely the dynamics of reaction and counter reaction. Whereby his problem suddenly becomes both your problems, to the point you are afraid to raise anything. It is OK to raise issues, and your version of reality, where you come unstuck is if you try to sell your version. If you dont not raise your version you will feel cheated, and when it finally comes out then withholding it will be seen by him as betrayal, and it all becomes magnified.


Do not underestimate this bit, it will make you a better person. Think of your therapy sessions as being part of this and not just as a required chore to help someone else.

And it gets darker. My daughter has disowned me.  My other daughter is trying hard not to. I don't even know which way is up now... .