BPDFamily.com

Not posting for sympathy or advice.  Just like knowing that there are a bunch of people here that really understand. I don't have anyone I know that really gets what it is like having a relationship with a pwBPD. 

I am balancing trying not to trigger friend pwBPD against me because of potential implications at work.  So I had been taking tact of only responding to her texts and messages when she asks me something or making very short comment in reply to her texts and messages. I had ceased setting up any social outings with her or proactively communicating.  It had been working quite well for me as it didn't seem to trigger her and I was less and less in her life.  then she made plans for my birthday which I accepted so as not to slight her.  She treated me like when she first befriended me years ago---super charming, considerate, thoughtful.   There was a moment when we were together at dinner when it looked like 'dragon lady' might come out.  Her demeanor changed dramatically and I often notice that the look in her eyes changes when she is triggered or splitting me.  I took picture of her at that moment under guise of taking photo of her doing a birthday toast.    interesting thing is that when she sent the picture to her sister, the sister commented on how her eyes seemed like she was very tired or sick.   

Overall, i think she kept me in the white.  It had been a very long time since I had been treated like that from her.  I had a flash back to how I got sucked in to begin with, but this time with the knowledge of the BPD dynamic.  I was much more in tune with her mirroring me and talking about things I care about that I know she hasn't in the past but seemed to now have an interest.  It is very fascinating now that I understand a bit more about the disorder.

I am still maintaining my strategy of keeping distance.  The white paint hasn't dripped off me yet but fully expecting the broad brush stroke of black to come unannounced. 

Who knew recycling meant more than separating plastics, glass and paper... . :) 

Sounds to me that you are more in observation mode - what will happen when I am doing this or that, the observation of the dragon lady... . all this can be very helpful to stop being on the roller coaster.

How do you feel keeping more distance? Do you think you can maintain it?

Thanks Surnia.  I am in observation mode. Unfortunately, I was so annoyed and angry this weekend.  I thought I was getting to a nice place of ambivalence where I didn't care how she reacted to me anymore.  However, this weekend I regressed and got so angry again thinking that all of the burden and pain is on me as the non and that she gets to come and go as she pleases, drop me whenever she wants, rage and be difficult.  And if I am angry that it is a no win situation for me.  I guard her secrets so as not to embarrass her in front of friends and colleagues.  I don't tell them about her affair, about her lying, about her rages.  

But now, because I am at arm's length, she is behaving like she did when we first met. She is using a 'cute' nickname for me that she used with me initially but later abandoned.  She is mirroring my likes.  I find it all annoying now.   It is all the things I used to find endearing and now I am just annoyed and angry.  And I want to get back to a place of peace and ambivalence.