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I have read enough to know that all my fears of what occured are most likely correct. i contacted her yesterday and tried to remain kind of nuetral to avoid conflict and just hearing her eased the pain. But after that I replayed the betrayal in my mind and realized my worst fears were the reality of all the lies throughout. I cannot face her again and I know with the trust gone there is nothing left. So I still feel the pain but it is turning to anger at the time and money I wasted when I could have been pursuing a possible functional relationship. I had been lonely for some years now and had not tried to date. i suppose I have to at least thank her for rekindling that desire in me, though I now know it was all contrived. I told her she could call me but I am sure she will not. So they feel no remorse or guilt for the horrible things they do to people? That is amazing to me. I have to say I did everything I could but of course it was not enough and also made the big mistake of letting her know how bad I wanted her. i will not contact her and hopefully it will be over. However if she calls I am not sure to just not take the call or tell her I cannot continue to see her. But I am sure what I must do now though I am still posessed with her and hurting that she so easily did me very dirty. It is subsiding and hopefully I can get moving with my life. I love this site as I am able to vent and read others experiences and understand this terrible disorder. I cannot say that I will not always care for the girl, I do and probably always will but I realize the help she needs is a path she must pursue alone and that me remaininig will only encourage it.

Hi screwedfriend,

Could you clarify for me whether you guys actually communicated formally about breaking up, and if so how that went?


I think there is a better way to think about this, which is: they have near-impenetrable defenses set up against these feelings (projection, splitting, etc).  So when these rear their ugly heads, they come across much differently than they would for you and I (and, almost always, we end up hurting). 

This site has provided me and many others with enormous insight and support.  Keep reading and posting.  I'm glad you're here.