BPDFamily.com

Hello again. I've returned to the forum as it comes almost 12 months on since I joined this forum. For those who may not recall I was involved in a messy breakup with an BPDexGF who tried to place the pregnancy bombshell as a way of keeping in touch. Thread pasted below... .

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=211605.0;topicseen

Anyways, since that thread I've managed to block all of her Facebook profiles (3 at least!) and not really heard anything since. There was almost a potential awkward moment in May during a football game where we were within 5yds from one another queueing for a drink followed by a wide berth at the coach park not long after.

However since then, she's started trying the contact again just when my life's back on track. I'm now engaged and l

... . to marry next year. My BPDex has got wind of this and has somehow found out the identity of my fiancée and has a couple of time friend requested her on Facebook though she's followed this up with nothing. My fiancée is made of strong stuff and let's it go over her head however just today, I received a friend request of my own from someone I didn't know - this was followed by a PM which was pretty direct and hurtful to me and my fiancée (again takes it with a piece of salt). This follows my ex trying to ring my landline at 3am last week as a way of commemorating the 1 year anniversary since shevwas turfed out of my flat.

What I want to ask is do they ever let go and if so how long? I heard down the grapevine that she was seeing someone a couple of months ago but the PM I got through 'her acquaintance' this morning started with the sentence 'I've created this profile for my friend to catch her cheating bf and she gave me the details'.

My fiancée tells me not to worry but I'm moving in with her in a couple of weeks and I'm just a bit uneasy that this may follow... .

they move on when they get no reward from you but they keep you in mind and will contact you to test the waters in the future if they think they can be rewarded by you. I have one from 10 years ago and she contacted me 6 years after the relationship interested in me.  I got in touch with her a few months ago and I could have initiated staying in touch but I kept asking things that she did not find rewarding and she had a new bf.  ALso she kept all the pics she was tagged with him off her page until very recently.

she contacted me at the 6 year mark when I made a FB and a few pics of me and my ex went up on their... . sick huh.

My ex found me on Facebook after 25 YEARS, and off to the races we went for round two.  Silly me.  But since I've learned that with abandonment being at the core of the disorder, a borderline will always have an impulse to reach out to potential attachments, especially when they are feeling badly, lonely, bored, abandoned, triggered, whatever.  Had I known then what I know now, but then again I had a queasy feeling in my gut from the start, it never went away, and I ignored it.  My bad.  With the new, revised, more mature and aware me, after a year and a half of very hard work on myself, I don't see that happening again, with her or anyone else who seems a little 'off'.  Just stay the course with your new gal and do what you have to do; borderlines are very impulsive and if she isn't getting any reward from you she'll move on eventually.

Oh, honey... . My DH was married to his ex, lived with her for 19 years and met me 14 years after the separation. Ten years later, she still pops up, unexpectedly and for the most bizarre a nd random reasons.