BPDFamily.com

Im still so amazed anyone could be so hateful and uncaring. Its like she goes out of her way to be mean and nasty. I know Ill hear from her again, just trying to get the resolve not to be nasty when she does contact.

How about preparing what you are going to say ahead of time if in the case she does come back. Prepare two sides of the spectrum. One for if you want to cut her off completely and one for if you want her to stay in your life. Then analyze both and see which one you really want. You know her well enough now probably to know if I say this shes going to say that type of thing. You also are armed with knowledge on her behavior unlike her and can prepare a bit better then she can. Prepare yourself accordingly and decide which one you want. If you don't want anymore raging or want to minimize the raging when she comes back write accordingly. If you want her back write accordingly. If you want to tell her off then write accordingly. Just prepare yourself if you know she will come back. You know what I'm going to take my own advice because I know the same will happen as well for me. You just actually helped me out too unknowingly. Thanks man

thats where exactly i am right now. but not amazed only but more of angry

I actually don't think that preparation is the answer, here.  I think it can become a way to hang onto them.  I noticed that in myself.  Perseverating and ruminating about the next encounter and the next time she does this or that just keeps me emotionally tied to her.  The best case scenario would be that I am free to not have to think about how to be prepared for anything about her because I am fully moved on and content and happy with my own life.  I've let go and changed my focus and chosen to let go of what she does and if she succeeds.  THAT is the best insulation... . to be moved on, to have peace of your own, to no longer be carrying the burden of "look at all that she did to me" and "what should I do about my ex if this happens", and no longer feel a need to play her games or beat her or stop her.

I also just wrote this.  Hope it will help give you some focus and encouragement!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=228076.msg12453874#msg12453874

I guess deep down having only been married six months Id like to see a happy ending to this. Not make things worse. Rationaly though I know it will never happen. Emotionaly though I want that dream of a happy marriage to her. Its quite a paradox. And dang does it hurt.

I remember the first time with my ex dBPD gf from like a decade ago eventually I got to a point of indifference and when I saw her she couldn't shake my resolve and it made her want me but I knew better.

Dude I tip my hat to you  for writing that post. That was gem city. I feel like I want to shake your hand for writing that.

I still think being prepared is better then not being prepared. He can still say Im done and prepare himself for the unexpected. They are BPD and will try to pull out all stops. If he wants to shut it down then he can prepare to shut it down with the least damage coming his way. With preperation this is easier then getting caught off guard. I definitely feel what you wrote though down to my bone marrow. Im gonna save that as a bookmark. Thanks for that.

To add to what you wrote they do not win at all. They create they're own Karma with the cycle they keep engaging in. They can move on and screw someone else and act happy to the public eye but behind closed doors the cycle goes on and on and on again and again. In his case she could have stopped the cycle finally. She could be a decent human being and put the necessary work in to get better but like most that is probably not the case. They can only give the illusion of winning. Even if you have lowered yourself or think you have lowered yourself you will heal over time. You will have learned a lesson from the pain you have gotten. If they think with the logic of what you wrote then they are blocking they're own lessons. They do not realize that it's not only us they don't give closure to it is themselves that they rob of closure as well. Then they carry on extra baggage to the next one and then the next one and so on and so forth.