BPDFamily.com

After everything shes done I still miss her and hope for a happy ending. Its crazy I know. Im still battleing if Id only jumped through this hoop or that one things would be diffrent. Im so depressed Im throwing up. It makes no sense. I bent over backwards for her. And the really crazy thing is I still love her.

I could use a bit of help on this one. Its ripping me up.

I could tell you that I feel the same way and you are not alone. I can't seem to stay away. I woke up this morning after sleeping for maybe 4 hours with a massive headache and puked. I have no appetite and the worst part is it is all my own fault. The fact I stay in contact and listen to lies and wonder if anything is true is all my fault. I love her so much and always will. It is hard but everyone here can relate to the same feeling or we wouldn't be here.

Hang in there.  It hurts like hell.  I couldn't stop bawling for two weeks.

We've all been there.  And it's natural to miss someone we love(d).   Unfortunately it's important to remember that our exes do not feel like we do. They are hardwired differently.

But your feelings are real, natural, and part of the process. 

It's the denial and bargaining.  It got better for over time and as I worked on why the Disorder we invited into my life.

We are here.  Keep posting and sharing.  We understand.

Man pieper,

Me too.  Im conflicted about it because Im beginning to understand the disorder.  Even still understanding the disorder part of me still has hope.  I think learning about the disorder, your foo issues that attracted you to the disordered person, and then being patient and not numbing the pain is the way to go.  Stay away from relatioships where someone will caretake you and distract you from this pain.

Don't run away from this you got to lean into it and educate yourself and self reflect.  Even still once you've found out why intellectually you have to be patient and let the body experience the trauma which sucks.  The aha moments don't seem to come when You first find out why at least for me. 

as a start I recommend reading all of the member 2010 posts if you haven't already. Just keep reading them over and over.  Keep posting on the boards.  Listen to the songs people post up about borderlines. Cry, stay away from people that invalidate you.  GO no contact, don't be too hard on yourself when you break no contact. Watch some film noire (which is basically about borderlines and the karpman triangle every single time). Listen to TOOL and a perfect circle.

I recommend the Book The Search for the Real Self by Masterson.