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Title: Learning to cope but still frustrated Post by: missmyseester on June 29, 2014, 07:15:59 PM My husband and I flew home for fathers day weekend to spend time with family. So did me uBPDsis and her boyfriend of 10months. I was so anxious/nervous to be spending time with her. We had been NC ( some MC) for the last 10months (no coincidence that it's when she started dating boyfriend). I did not know which version of her or behaviors I was going to see.
Her and boyfriend arrive at moms and the mood seemed ok. As expected, she wanted my mom to get to know her new boyfriend (I figured this was her real agenda for her trip home). After a bit we (my hubs and me, sis and BF) went to a local bar to grab drinks and chat. Us four were actually having a good time. That is until I ran into friends I knew at the bar. OF COURSE this made her pissy that attention wasn't on her and her BF. I invited them to come say hi and join us (she knew these people too but acted too good to talk to them) Typically I would have said something to her about her rude attitude but instead, I chose not to add fuel to the fire and continued hanging out with sis. The next night was a party for my dad. Lots of his friends and family showed up to celebrate his bday and fathers day. My sis never seemed to leave her BF. It was always just the two of them off to the side. It was like she was waiting for people to come up to her and ask about her new man. There were a few times my hubs and I went over to them to chat, and after a few minutes they walked away by themselves. They did this like 4 or 5 times! There were many times my sis reminded me of mean girls in high school. She would walk right by me, not acknowledging me, as if deliberately to make me feel like crap. I would be talking to her then she would whisper to her BF and then walk away. Soo passive aggressive! She always clung on to me in social situations before. Now that she has a co-dependent relationship she feels ok to be cold to me. At one point in the evening she expressed to me she "wished we had more time with dad so he could get to know BF better". She went on to say that BF was supposed to ask my dad's permission to marry on this trip. AHA! I KNEW that was her agenda all along! She was irritated all night because she couldn't get alone time with my dad. It's always all about her. From everything I've read on forums and in books on coping with BPD, I made an effort to not react to her behaviors. I was trying to change MYSELF. However I hit a breaking point that night. The DJ at the party started playing "Happy". I couldn't help but dance and noticed sis and BF standing alone off to the side. I went over and made a fool of myself dancing right infront of them to get them to dance or laugh and my sister grunted and snapped at me to move out of her way! Apparently she was watching my dad on the dance floor and I was blocking her view... . god forbid. At that point I had to walk away and I teared up a bit. I feel so frustrated that I have to let her "get away with" bad behaviors in order to cope with her uBPD! I was also validated about her pill-popping. I had many clues before and on this trip she didn't really hide the fact that she had "back pains" and NEEDED muscle relaxers. She would take enough to "eff her up". Ya know, slurring speech, needed help walking, etc. Her boyfriend still thinks she "needs" pills and that it's "cute" she gets like that. *eyeroll* There were moments of getting along and unfortunately it gave me false hope. I made efforts to let her know when we were having a good time with her and that it was nice to see her that weekend. Did she ever say anything like that in return? Nope. She makes me so angry and frustrated and I'm having a hard time with changing ME when she continues to be this passive aggressive b*tch to me and my husband. Anyone have similar stories? And how did/do you cope with this? |