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I have been NC for a month after he left me for a previous gf. then I get this text and a snap shot of it to my email to be sure i received it... I really dont know what to do with it. i just want to understand what this is... im very confused

thoughts please... .

sorry to bother you but i would like to ask you an important question. um i no longer talk to my kids.(they are 19 and 22) they are very disrespectful and i am not sure what has happened with them but i dont need their attitude in my life. i am taking them off as my beneficiaries and i would like to know if i can make your children my beneficiaries now. (they are 11 and 13) if not i totally understand. i am very tired and working 6 days a week and had a 131 hours on my last check and im on call every week. so can i have them for my beneficiaries? i had a dream about them last week i dont remember it but it was a cute one. again sorry to bother you.   

 

I don't know, but it just sounds weird.  But maybe it is because I don't know the context.  My ex does things similar to that... . like wants to be all super-helpful and heroic all of the sudden.

My general thought is... . reduce and remove all and any ties whenever possible.  I share kids with my ex, so that is not possible.  But I can limit them considerably!  For example, I need to pay off a lot of debt, but I paid off her car first (I had to finish payments on the thing as part of the divorce).  Got her off my auto insurance, paid off her car, signed the title over... . one less string.  She of course traded it in immediately for a nice shiny truck, but whatever.  Whether conscious or conscious, there is usually something hidden behind their nice gestures.  With my ex, whenever she is really nice to me, there is a temptation to be close and friendly with her.  But I always regret it when I get close to her.  Pull you in... . push you away.  That's how it goes.

This is a good entry in the "wow, there really IS a BPD playbook out there somewhere!" annals.

Another member on here recently was asked by her ex if it would be OK to make the member's child the beneficiary of the BPDex's life insurance policy.

I think the motives are the same and the same as with numerous other indirect gestures of connection after a crappy wounding BPD breakup: "I want to be connected to you, I'm afraid of rejection, I have a pretty good idea that you aren't very happy with me, I'm maybe not so proud of what I did, I need something you are very unlikely to reject that will sort of 're-set' things and get us started communicating again ... . hmm ... . I know! [insert big gesture]."

I got a big gesture a few months back.  It was meant to be enough to get us re-started.  it wasn't, because when we ended, it was over something important, and he didn't address that with his gesture.  The gesture wasn't nearly as hard as it would have been to meaningfully address what went wrong between us.

I totally agree with the others that this was an attempt to get your attention, or open the door slightly.  Mine tried several different times to get my attention.  I think if there is a BPD playbook out there one of us should try to get a copy.  Although the only good BPD defense that I have seen is NC and boundaries.

This sounds waifish as if he needs pity and rescuing. I agree the rest sounds like it's to validate your attachment.

This is all so very helpful. The last two things my uBPDw did that blew me away is she wanted pictures of my nephews and asked my son to take them and send them to her. The same nephews she never asked once about. And she apparently had a dream about their mother, my sister, and asked my son if his aunt was okay. The same aunt she hadn't talked to in about a year and blocked on social media.  Needless to say my sister was speechless. Based on the above, it seems like a way to get back in since I am NC other than terse emails to her when she upsets my daughter with her BS. 

As for the waif thing, she camped out in front of my house for 2 hours while my kids and I were at a movie without telling us until the last 15 minutes. Looking back now, that must have been to elicit sympathy. I found it scary. Has anyone's SO ever done something like that?

I am concerned that you would have to give their SS#'s to him and he could create a false identity with those numbers... .