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Im really starting to believe her brain washing that its all my fault. Shes good at this. Surly she knows she has some type of problem.

I think someone said it is called projective identification.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  WHen you internalize this it is extremely harmful and toxic.  I did it myself.  caused me to lose my mind and sense of self. 

Hi Peiper

Yes she probably does know theres something wrong but to face up to it would be more painful than projecting the problem onto someone else.

Logic is your friend here. When you think about what she is saying logically you see that it is her and not you.

Ask yourself has anyone else ever made you think about yourself this way? Have any of your relatives or friends said anything that backs her up. Is what she is saying about you based on any substance.

It is easy to believe it when they say we smother them but this is because they demand so much. By fulfilling one of their demands we end up upsetting them in another way.

You talk too much becomes why have you stopped talking to me.

You don't show enough affection becomes your clingy.

You never help out becomes your trying to take over my life.

Remember there is only black and white. Whatever you do will be perceived in a negative light in some way.

It is very easy to get down on yourself and believe the crap being spewed at you when that (BPD) person can sniff out weakness better than a bloodhound on a crime scene. The fact that you can identify it as "brain washing" though tells us that you know deep down what the truth and reality are vs. her perceptions of you. Take time for you. Get away from her and spend time with people who care about you and will validate your feelings. Seriously, don't get sucked down into that rabbit hole.

Is is normal to lash out at the BPD for their passive aggressive ways? I found myself lashing out at my BPD girlfriend at the end. She disappeared. No goodbye or anything.

Yes hurting300, but only because those behaviors cause anger and painful feelings in the recipient. It's a natural but not always helpful reaction.

I think what gets me the most is how she finds it so easy to just leave. Its like saying your nothing and dont matter and Im gone. Heck looking back I kissed her butt trying to make it work. And on the outside she seems so pefect, pretty flight attendant who seems so together.